Garden of the Dead, 1972

    Camp Hoover, in Windsor, CO is a deeply-rural, hard-time penitentiary work farm that apparently makes and refines formaldehyde among its other products. And, wouldn’t you know, some of the prisoners have taken to sniffing the stuff for a cheap ’n’ easy high. Of course, some of these men become hopeless addicted!

    A daring, late-night jailbreak is planned! And seven or eight of the inmates tunnel out under the wall, and attempt getting to and highjacking the camp truck.

    One of the men, however, because he was so high on the vapor, accidentally alerts the guards.

    The old-school, hard-nosed warden, already planning on quitting the increasingly softening prison system, shows no mercy on the almost escapees and shoots them all dead. Then, for further insult to injury, all of the  corpses are tossed into a mass grave… in the formaldehyde-soaked ground. What could possibly go wrong?

    I'll tell you what! The dead rise up!!! They rise up and seek revenge on, well, everyone! Being still at least somewhat sentient, one, the undead ringleader, says, “We will destroy the living!” and starts handing out farm equipment - axes, shovels, hoes, (everything needed to grow formaldehyde, I guess!) to his newly resurrected cohorts.

    As the growling ‘zombies’ run stealthily around, ‘picking’ off the living with their farming tools, the remaining living prisoners and guards team up to seek a stronghold against the undead assassins.

    The breakdown: The Zombies in ‘Garden of the Dead’ are dead, but have retained some reasoning. They use tools, stealth, and, occasionally, language. They still crave the formaldehyde vapor like propaganda-film junkies, but still manage to attack and evade.

    So, the undead adhere to only the one of the ‘Rules of Romero,’ in that they are recently deceased. No consuming of flesh, no transmission of zombism, and no need to destroy the brain. As such, although no military correlation, these are most closely related to Nazi Zombies, or the ‘vampires’ from Matheson’s ‘Last Man On Earth.’ (Think, “Neville, come out!”)

    Acting was okay. About what one would expect from an early Troma feature. But it was sincere. And. perhaps because it was such early entry into the genre, (four or so years after Night of the Living Dead,) this means that “Garden” doesn’t need to try too hard to be different, (i.e. funny.) As such, it succeeds!

    Sure it never won any awards, or will ever be considered anything more than a D-grade, low-budget, zombie film, but I liked it!

    The ZMR, my Zombi Movie Rubrik, (which keeps me as close to impartial as possible,) gave Garden of the Dead a 1.8 out of a possible 4.0. Surprisingly, I agree with this rating. I mean, it does ring in as below average, but it takes itself seriously, and there were some genuine scares.

    Here is a YouTube clip, (can’t call it an honest ‘Trailer,’ just a few minutes from the flick. Enjoy!

GARDEN OF THE DEAD 

Dead Earth, 2019

AKA Paradise Z, AKA Two Of Us

    Our story opens in a tropical resort in Thailand where two young women live alone in silence hiding out. They go about their days sneaking around the resort quietly and armed, covering one another while constantly on the watch for danger.

    The monotony of their existence is expressed thoroughly in these establishing scenes by continuing on for a full 20-some-odd minutes. However, as the duo are lithe and comely, we the audience are treated to shower scenes, topless sunbathing, bikini yoga, and yes! Even some girl-on-girl lovin’. 

    Now, I’m certainly NOT one to complain about this type of thing, mind you, but I do think the potential viewer should be made aware of just how close to a ‘sexploitation film’ the first quarter of this movie is!

    Moving on - When, finally, the ladies do venture out of their somewhat fortified compound, it is due to the fuel of their generator running low. So, the two arm up from their impressive little arsenal, don some impromptu tactical gear, load up a extended-length electric golf cart, and head out in search of supplies.

    It turns out that other meeting up with other survivors is not ideal. A chance encounter combined with paranoia and a rash decision or two makes meet & greets brief and messy.

    Our first actual zombie appears after a full 50 minutes in the film’s only expositional flashback. However, undead encounters proper take place soon after that, as the pair returns home and discovers that their stronghold has been breeched. What follows is an attempt to escape their one-time fortress to uncertain safety.

    Dead Earth's zombies are your standard running growlers, but very purposeful and quite athletic in pursuit! Of the Rules of Romero,  the dead seem to follow all but the slow and shambolic method of mobility, as well as remind us of a lesser known method of dispatch mentioned in ’68, immolation. (As Sherriff McClelland said , “Beat 'em or burn 'em. They go up pretty easy.”) They also introduce a new one - that zombies are afraid of water because they can’t swim. This, I am sure was introduced mainly to establish a tense scene of the undead surrounding one of the women while she is in the river. 

    Our two main protagonists, (of whom we get to see plenty!) are likable enough, but even with the expositional flash-back and some chatter between themselves, they are just lacking any real depth of character. This is pretty disappointing because there are only the two, and they had the lion’s share of an hour to make themselves more relatable.

 Once the action DOES get going, it is pretty entertaining, but it doesn’t really go anywhere - just another ‘chase, escape, repeat’ -type of thing.

So, I got out the ol’ Zombie Movie Rubric to grade Dead Earth as objectively as possible, (since, clearly, I was not that big of a fan!) and to my surprise, it earned itself a whopping 1.44 points out of a possible 4.0. The zombies, (although I am NOT a fan of runner/growler types,) and the beautiful Thai scenery
being the only real things buoying this above the ‘avoid’ level. 

Here is a YouTube link for those still interested, but just know that almost ALL of the footage in the trailer is from the final 20 minutes of the flick! DEAD EARTH

Escaping The Dead, 2017

            

    Failed drug dealer and stoner, David, is in deep debt with some mean, unsavory people. So, along with a 'pal' they do a deal to sell some drugs to pay off some of what they owe.

    *Spoiler alert* The drugs are tainted, and in little to no time at all explaining how, there is suddenly a full-scale zombie apocalypse happening.

    What follows is literally just David ‘escaping the dead.’ With Zs around every corner and resilient to all but head shots, David must continually move and evade.

    Right off it must be said, David is unlikeable. He is an opportunistic, selfish, dirtbag. And a petty criminal. And, frankly, pretty stupid. Aside from his many poor life decisions, it takes him three guns worth of useless, center-mass shots before he discovers the whole “head shot” thing.

    So, yeah, David is decidedly ‘un-root-for-able.’ Sadly, he is also all we have. In fact, after the outbreak, most of the movie is him, toking and stumbling his way through Copenhagen, fighting, running from, and hiding from zombies. But this is where the blood and guts gets its lion’s share of visibility!

       Eventually, David teams up with a cop, (of all people!) and they attempt to get free of the city. No really interesting 'good guy/bad guy' banter happens, and aside from some trust issues, this little Odd Couple scenario is almost completely wasted. 

    Once outside the city, David, his policeman partner, and now a few more survivors decide to hole-up and attempt a ‘last stand...’ With mixed results!

    The good news: The undead are for the most part full-on Romeros, (see Zombie Classification Chart here: Zombie Types.) Only on occasion or two do they hustle up more than a stagger/stumble. Zombism is transferred through bites, And Boy, Oh Boy! Do they feast on the flesh of the living! 

    Characters, (or David & some others guys,) though convincing in their roles, are totally without depth or backstory. I mean, who really cares if a drug dealer who starts a zombie apocalypse survives or not!?!

    The budget was clearly shoestring, but the filmmakers seemed to have made the most of it. SPFX, (i.e. blood & guts & face chewing,) appears to have been the biggest ticket item! Probably a good idea.

    So, what we have left is a pure zombie horror film - No ZomCom, no RomZom, and mos’ def’ no RomZomCom! The living dead are the threat and only threat, and surviving them is the only point. It is actually simple and straitghtforward and without all of those “Walking Dead”-like twists and turns, and enemy people with some evil plan. The title says it it all.

    So, let’s hold Escaping The Dead up to the Zombie Movie Rubric, (the most objective tool I have to keep my personal pet peeves at bay!) Escaping The Dead earned itself a 1.888 points out of a possible 4.0, with the zombies and the zombie attacks doing the high scoring!

    So, TECHNICALLY, that is a below-average scoring. And while it is true that this is a below average zombie movie, it is one for sort of excuse-able reasons. The zombies were above average, and the acting and the pacing were at least average - So, yeah, no originality, no real plot, crappy writing, and horrible characters, but, ‘on average,’ I have seen much worse.

Although I still can’t give a hardy recommendation, I can say that it is a dumb, fun horror flick that can scratch a zombie movie fan’s Z-film itch. 

And, of course, here is the YouTube Trailer to help you decide: ESCAPING THE DEAD 

Knights of the Damned, 2017

    On a quest from their king to slay a dragon, a squadron, (Platoon? Troupe?) a DOZEN knights are reduced to three, and push on, tracking the beast across the lands.

    Along the way, they hear tales of ‘Furies,’ dead people who have risen back up to attack the living. The trio of knights’ mission takes a detour and they choose to rid the king’s land of this new plague.

    End synopsis.

    To get it out there straightaway, this is NOT a horror movie. It is ‘Game of Thrones’ / King Arthur-style fantasy/adventure… With Zombies. (But also with dragons, Amazonian-like warrior women, a power-mad prince, and, some reason, mermaid sirens. Sure, why not?)

    The zombie storyline appears very shortly after the knights encounter the dragon, which is a really good thing because, well, the dragon CGI is pretty bad.

    To be fair, though, ‘pretty bad’ is really where this movie hovers all the way though. 

    To this point, I could very easily knock its acting, its poor dialog, its shaky hand-held camera shots, its completely unnecessary scenes, its unconvincing, 2-dimensional characters, a multitude of anachronisms, et cetera, et cetera, but as a zombie movie, I would rather give it mercy and keep my review to the zombie bits.

Lots of 'zombie chest kicking!'

 

   Actually, I was a little excited for a Medieval knights versus the undead film. Not all that many Zombie apocalypses set back in time like that, (I mean, with the glaring exception of Game of Thrones.)

So, I did appreciate that.

As for the zombies themselves, or ‘Furies’ as the villagers called them, they were not consistent to The Rules of Romero aside from a) being dead, and b) the transfer of zombism by bites. 

    With the exception of the biting, there was no real evidence of the dead eating the living, and the zombies were dispatched in multiple ways, not just head shots. 

    The Zombies were inconsistent to themselves, too, denying any form of classification. 

    At some times, these Furies would be staggering around all Romero-esque, at others, they would run. Some used swords or axes, (and properly!) One even cleared a fence in a smooth Parkour fashion.

    So, the dragon was just a plot device with only a few actually minutes of screen time, the big mouth local at the bar added nothing to the film, and the entire mermaids scene should’ve been left on the editing room floor. But these things weren’t edited out. It seems like they were intentionally tossed in to add a few more fantasy elements to an otherwise flat storyline. And then, the whole affair just ground to a halt with a cliffhanger ‘ending,’ and a 'to be continued.' 

    (The conclusion sequel came out a year later under the name ‘The Dark Kingdom.’)

    Now the really hard thing for me to write… I kind’ve liked it.

    Oh, I will freely admit it was NOT a good movie, and its placement here in a zombie movie reviews page is contestable, but it I found it to be silly fun that went well with a late night and a few beers. 

    The ZMR, (my Zombie Movie Rubric,) however, is a sober and unemotional rating scale that often robs me of my subjectivity! Held up to its unflinching scrutiny, Knights of the Damned got itself a whopping 1.66 out of a possible 4.0 points.    

    This does NOT earn the film much of a recommendation.

    But here is a YouTube trailer for your own consideration: KNIGHTS OF THE DAMNED

    Be warned, the trailer shows some scenes that were not in the film. I can only assume they are from the sequel.

So, yeah, a low-scorer, but I do not regret watching it… 

    I do think I will take a pass on it’s sequel, though.

Train to Busan Presents: Peninsula

    Four years have passed since to events portrayed in ‘Train To Busan,’ and the entire nation of South Korea is infected. A small group of survivors of that outbreak are presented with an opportunity to do a little looting in exchange for a big payout - half the plunder.

    Soon the team of four are deep in the city in search of a box truck loaded with duffle bags full of cash - U.S Dollars, to be precise. They are given directions, location of the truck, and the tools and weapons needed. 

    What seems like a very dangerous, but not too difficult mission becomes much more involved once resident survivors become part of the equation. And living in a country that is swarming with fast-moving undead, rules and society have changed as well. The team is quickly swept up in an ‘Escape From New York -style scenario where zombies are not the only threat.

    Importantly, Train to Busan Presents: Peninsula is NOT a sequel. It is just another story in that particular ‘universe,’ if you will. The only connection to Train To Busan is the zombie apocalypse in Korea. 

    And Peninsula is much more of an action film, with a lot of high-speed car chases, shootings and explosions. And while I can appreciate that when done well, (and a good bit of it IS done fairly well here, to be honest,) a lot of this comes across as formulaic. 

 

   The movie seems to borrow from a wide array of influences as well - Fast & Furious, The Walking Dead, and, of course, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. These are some great pieces of source material, true, but sadly, all of these elements don’t add up to a very original feel. 

    I know that every Zombie pic asks the viewer for some suspension of reality. One must accept that zombies exist, et cetera, to enjoy the movie. TtBP:P, however, really imposes on that request, though. (How a 14-year-old girl can ‘Tokyo Drift’ an SUV through streets crowded with old cars, burnt out buildings, and other assorted flotsam and jetsam to hit fast running zombies with pinpoint accuracy with ease and only casual concern sticks as one such example!)

But I nitpick.

    Let's talk about the dead. The zombies are runners - remaining true to form with the original film, but aside from that they appear to adhere to the other Rules Of Romero. 

    Transformation time from bitten to full-on zombism is inconsistent, though. Some in seconds, others much longer. (Depending on the character and the need for a tearful goodbye, apparently.)

    All of that action, the shoot-em-ups and run-em-downs, does keep the flick moving. And Peninsula moves at a decent clip, too, with exposition and backstories not taking away from the here and now. However, this pace tends to become a bit ‘samey’ after a while.

    The special effects are decent, as with Train, but more often than not, obscured with a cover of darkness, (both indoors and out!) However, as stated, the sense of horror is eclipsed by the sense of action here, and the FX are focused on that, too.

    The principle characters are well defined, and which side one should be rooting for is made abundantly clear. This time around, however, the heroes are not nearly all that engaging, and lack enough depth to care too much for them. On the other hand, the antagonists are suitably evil, and display little to no affability. Their villainy, though, is so over-the-top that they are bordering cartoonish.

 

   Despite what I have written, here, I did enjoy Busan’s Peninsula. No! Not NEARLY as much as the original. In fact, the two films are so different in nature that to compare them side-by-side is completely unfair. 

    However, just as Peninsula is set in a world where zombies are commonplace, this movie, too, just kind’ve felt generic. Nothing too original, and not really a standout from the middle of the ‘Living Dead’ field. Which is a shame as it’s predecessor was so amazing.

    But the middle of the pack is still much higher up in ratings than so many other z-flicks.

Which means it's time to consult The Zombie Movie Rubric, my angel of objectivity to keep personal peeves at bay! 

    So, with Film Quality, SPFX, Action/Pacing really buoying the rating that Originality and Characters were dragging down, the ZMR handed out a final grade of 2.11 out of 4.0. This equates to a watchable and enjoyable, if ultimately forgettable, entry into the whole zombie movie genre. 

     See the official trailer here on YouTube:

           TRAIN TO BUSAN PRESENTS: PENINSULA

Dead & Buried, 1981

 

    Potter’s Bluff is a picturesque coastal village with a small fishing industry and a very close-knit community of townsfolk.

    This ‘close knit community' of locals, however, does not take too kindly to outsiders, (in particular, ‘big city’ outsiders.) Groups of Potter’s Bluff residents regularly get together to capture, torture, and kill visiting interlopers. 

    And all walks of life comprise this band of ill-doers - from fishermen to waitresses, gas station attendant to school teacher, dispatching assorted travelers with more and more gruesome methods… Oh and the whole gang of them taking photos as they proceed.

    Well, the whole thing stinks of a Satanic death cult, believes the local sheriff, (played by James Farentino, somewhere between Christopher George and Paul Michael Glaser,) and he sets out to follow this line of investigation.

    Not long after, bodies are disappearing and reported seen alive and well about the same time Sheriff Dan finds a book on Witchcraft in his wife’s draw, and his suspicion is aroused!

    We are now around halfway into the film and the whole voodoo/living dead theme is finally beginning to show. Potter’s Bluff’s own town mortician, William Dobbs, (capably portrayed by “Grampa Joe” Jack Albertson,) is starting to seem less screwed-down properly and his affable appeal begins to raise an eyebrow.

    But, as I said, this transition takes place midway into the movie. Some might say all of this time was spent ‘to develop atmosphere,’ which it does. But there is plenty of downtime, here. Exposition scenes seem plentiful and extended, (but I guess, grisly small town murders are fairly infrequent!) 

Still and all, to me, it suffers a bit from pacing.

    Maybe I am nit-picking, but the film felt a little like a 70s late-night television ‘murder-mystery’ special, albeit an extremely violent one!

    But Dead & Buried does boast a good cast and decent  acting, enjoyable and root-for-able characters, and quite the unusual premise with twists and turns to keep it moving.

The ‘zombies’ in Dead & Buried are in essence of the voodoo variety, (see Zombie Classification Chart,) but with a twist of their own.

Scrutinized with the ZMR, (Zombie Movie Rubric,) my grading tool to help keep me as objective as possible, Dead & Buried scored a 2.38 points out of potential 4. This translates to ‘a decent and enjoyable watch.’

    And I did enjoy this movie, but not so much as a ‘zombie apocalypse/walking dead’ film entry, but more as a ‘early 80s horror/drama mystery’ film. 

    So, I DO recommend it, but y’know, with caveats.

Original 1981 YouTube trailer here: DEAD & BURIED