Christmas With the Dead, 2012

A strange electrical storm on Christmas Eve kills off most of the town, (including the wife and daughter of local radio station manager, Calvin. Calvin only survived because he was napping through it!

Death, unfortunately, is fleeting and wife, Ella, and little Tina are back up and walking around like the rest of the recently deceased in no time. Only now, they are flesh-nibbling zombies!

Six months go by and Calvin keeps his dead missus on a chain and feeds her dogfood, optimistic for her return to normalcy. He spends his days running errands like getting gasoline for his generator, and retrieving food from his stockpile down at the radio station. He meets G.M., another survivor who shows him how the undead respond to music. Seeing this, Calvin believes that they still retain some humanity, and decides to fulfill his promise to his now dead family to provide the perfect Christmas. In June.

And then things get weird when the duo is abducted by a religious cult who escaped from an asylum for the criminally insane. Because, of course.

Unfortunately for me, the characters weren’t overly engaging. Calvin was just a ‘plug-and-play’ person, no real personality. G.M., a bit more likable, but hardly what I’d call relatable or root-for-able. For me, as a viewer, the lack of engagement in the protagonists diminishes the fear of their plight. 

The zombies weren’t too bad. Oh, sure their make-up was inconsistent, and the overactors portraying the dead were really jerking them corpses around, but aside from growling, and little electrical sparkles in their eyes, they were mostly Romero-types. They were just the recently dead, they were shambolic in movement, (SO shambolic!) They ate the living’s flesh and transferred Zombism through bites. Also, they were killed with headshots. So, at least some faithfulness to canon. Due to this, I will overlook the weird little addition of occasional electrical eye flicker.

The zombies weren’t the only ones troubled by bad acting. Almost all of the cast, living and dead, weren’t very convincing. But this might have been a good thing, because the dialog wouldn’t have rung true on good actor portrayals. And some of the ‘criminally insane’ characters’ ‘acting’ was literally cringeworthy. I cringed. 

From the start, Christmas With The Dead really played out like low budget project, although in fairness, the image clarity was pretty good. Also, I appreciated the lack of the ‘shaky cam’ technique - So overdone. But the story dragged. I think there were supposed to be funny parts, because the front of the DVD case had a quote calling it “Hilarious, scrappy, and even creepy.” I didn’t get any of that. 

True, I went in with high hopes and was disappointed, but, I used my rubric, the ZMR, for a more objective grading tool. Through its cold and calculating lens, Christmas With The Dead earned itself a 1.55 out of a possible four stars. This puts it in a below-average classification. I had never heard of this movie before recently and now I know why. I probably would have shut this off midway through, but it’s Christmas and I was hoping for a miracle. 

Here is the trailer for you to decide whether or not to see it:

CHRISTMAS WITH THE DEAD

Gangsters, Guns, and Zombies (2012)

   What better distraction for a bank heist than the zombie apocalypse? At least that was the plan for London bank robbers Tony, Q, Pat Muscles and Crazy Steve before things awry.

   Starting in the middle of the action allows G,G,& Z to kick off with a bang and keeps going strong. The use of chapters and occasional narration of one of the main stars assists the flow of the story. And of course, that old chestnut vehicle of T.V. and radio news reports helps to explain the situation outside of the immediate action.

   Also provided to create a fuller picture of the outbreak are plenty of ‘cut-to’ scenes, showing a goodly amount of zombie gore and attacks, which, although grisly in nature keep most of the real gore just outside the frame. Many of these asides display a very sick sense of humor that certain twisted zombie film fans, (like myself,) can appreciate: A bride and her maids attacking her groom, the attack of an undead horde of clowns, a casual debate about if a particular zombie is eating a cat or a fox. Y’know. Stuff like that.

   Okay, true. The zombies’ make-up consisted mostly of pale skin with blood stains, but since there weren't that many real zombie close-ups, this minimalist approach works well enough. Also, the zombies ran, (well, most of them,) so this also kept the need for undead details to a low dose. Now, I am not a major fan of running undead in a strictly ‘animated recently-deceased’ scenario, but in the less populated scenes later in the movie, the speed of the dead helps to keep the threat level up, where shamblers could have been simply avoided.

   But it's the characters themselves that carry this movie. They are likable, and engaging, and fun-to-watch, (although, hardly “gangsters.”) Yes, criminals, but still, worth rooting for. Most importantly, none of the characters are cartoony or stupid. In fact, to call this a typical “zom-com” would be doing it a disservice. I mean, it IS funny. But, the undead threat is real and lethal and the characters are serious and have a straightforward mission. Where the humor comes in is a very organic manipulation of perspective. I really enjoyed it. Think of Reservoir Dogs meets 28 Days Later with just a splash Shaun of the Dead. Only a little more light-hearted.

   My Zombie Movie Rubric scored Gangsters, Guns, and Zombies as a solid 3.0, making it a respectable entry into the genre and a really enjoyable movie night selection.

   The full-length film is available of the Mighty Tubes of You, but I am only including a trailer to whet your appetite: GANGSTERS, GUNS, AND ZOMBIES

Cheerio!

Osombie, (2012)

    Believing Osama bin Laden is still alive, a man heads to Afghanistan to finish him off. Shortly thereafter, his yoga-instructor sister goes looking for him only to discover that Afghanistan is overrun with the walking dead. A U.S. Army platoon is also engaged in the assorted scuffles, sent to rescue these siblings amidst the zombie infestation.

   Still there? Okay, good. After writing out that premise, I was sure no one was still reading.

   Yeah, this flick has some flaws. It boasts the typical army stereotypes: the gung-ho warrior, a Full Metal Joker-type, even a katana wielding woman with a mysterious past!  

   Also, that not-so-subtle portmanteau of 'zombie' and 'Osama' for a title kind of robs any surprise from the "surprise twist," (this is not Shyamalan!) But in fairness, the acting wasn't that bad, the zombies were cool, it had a neat, exotic-looking setting and even a subplot or two to make Osombie a goofy, fun action flick with some horror elements.

I tossed it up at the Zombie Movie Rubric and it lit up a surprisingly decent 1.88 out of 4.0 points.

Official movie trailer on the them YouTubes here: OSOMBIE