Escaping The Dead, 2017

            

    Failed drug dealer and stoner, David, is in deep debt with some mean, unsavory people. So, along with a 'pal' they do a deal to sell some drugs to pay off some of what they owe.

    *Spoiler alert* The drugs are tainted, and in little to no time at all explaining how, there is suddenly a full-scale zombie apocalypse happening.

    What follows is literally just David ‘escaping the dead.’ With Zs around every corner and resilient to all but head shots, David must continually move and evade.

    Right off it must be said, David is unlikeable. He is an opportunistic, selfish, dirtbag. And a petty criminal. And, frankly, pretty stupid. Aside from his many poor life decisions, it takes him three guns worth of useless, center-mass shots before he discovers the whole “head shot” thing.

    So, yeah, David is decidedly ‘un-root-for-able.’ Sadly, he is also all we have. In fact, after the outbreak, most of the movie is him, toking and stumbling his way through Copenhagen, fighting, running from, and hiding from zombies. But this is where the blood and guts gets its lion’s share of visibility!

       Eventually, David teams up with a cop, (of all people!) and they attempt to get free of the city. No really interesting 'good guy/bad guy' banter happens, and aside from some trust issues, this little Odd Couple scenario is almost completely wasted. 

    Once outside the city, David, his policeman partner, and now a few more survivors decide to hole-up and attempt a ‘last stand...’ With mixed results!

    The good news: The undead are for the most part full-on Romeros, (see Zombie Classification Chart here: Zombie Types.) Only on occasion or two do they hustle up more than a stagger/stumble. Zombism is transferred through bites, And Boy, Oh Boy! Do they feast on the flesh of the living! 

    Characters, (or David & some others guys,) though convincing in their roles, are totally without depth or backstory. I mean, who really cares if a drug dealer who starts a zombie apocalypse survives or not!?!

    The budget was clearly shoestring, but the filmmakers seemed to have made the most of it. SPFX, (i.e. blood & guts & face chewing,) appears to have been the biggest ticket item! Probably a good idea.

    So, what we have left is a pure zombie horror film - No ZomCom, no RomZom, and mos’ def’ no RomZomCom! The living dead are the threat and only threat, and surviving them is the only point. It is actually simple and straitghtforward and without all of those “Walking Dead”-like twists and turns, and enemy people with some evil plan. The title says it it all.

    So, let’s hold Escaping The Dead up to the Zombie Movie Rubric, (the most objective tool I have to keep my personal pet peeves at bay!) Escaping The Dead earned itself a 1.888 points out of a possible 4.0, with the zombies and the zombie attacks doing the high scoring!

    So, TECHNICALLY, that is a below-average scoring. And while it is true that this is a below average zombie movie, it is one for sort of excuse-able reasons. The zombies were above average, and the acting and the pacing were at least average - So, yeah, no originality, no real plot, crappy writing, and horrible characters, but, ‘on average,’ I have seen much worse.

Although I still can’t give a hardy recommendation, I can say that it is a dumb, fun horror flick that can scratch a zombie movie fan’s Z-film itch. 

And, of course, here is the YouTube Trailer to help you decide: ESCAPING THE DEAD 

What We Become, (2015)

     Also known as ‘Sorgenfri’ in its original Danish, What We Become sees a small Danish suburb beginning to develop some viral episodes. The government swiftly cuts of the community in an effort to contain the outbreak before most of the citizens even know there is a problem. One family deals with the frustrations of quarantine while completely dependent on authorities for food, water, and power, but no answers. Curiosity gives way to rash decisions and tragedy, as tragedy will, ensues.

     If no other zombie movie existed, ‘What We Become’ would serve as a complete overview of the genre. By that, I mean that SO MUCH TIME is dedicated to establishing premise, setting, and characters, and large portions of the film are used up to show what so many other zombie movies have already done, and done sooner, faster, better and with equal purpose to aiding the story. Heck! The first 45 minutes doesn’t even see any of the undead.

That is my biggest problem with the movie. Its pacing. It reads as a slow, almost real-time chronicling of events from the everyday to a little unusual behavior. Then some reports of illness, then containment and quarantine and finally, FINALLY, one of the main characters says, “I think something is amiss!” Or something to that effect. And decides to act on this epiphany.

     Now, on the positive side of the coin, the acting is quite good. The actors are quite convincing in their mundane/bewildered/frustrated/frightened/desperate states and assist the respective moods being played out.

     The zombies, however, were great. The were my favorite part, (“Oh, surprise, surprise!”) of the movie. It is a shame that they didn’t see more screen-time. The undead, that we apparently become, featured some really decent make-up and special effects. They also moved convincingly - they did not run or show any fine motor coordination, just the slow and shambolic walking corpses I refer to as “Romeros,” in the my Zombie Classification Chart. I mean, sure they did snarl. But with the exception of this animalistic trait, the undead scored high for this movie.

     That scoring comes, of course, from that objective scoring tool known as The Zombie Movie Rubric. And it was from there that What We Become received a surprise high 2.5 out of a possible 4 points. The zombies, special effects and acting countering the ‘deadly crawl’ pacing’s basement score.

So, a 2.5 DOES entitle this movie to a recommendation! But I would do so with one serious caveat: This movie moves SLOWLY! One must be in the right state for it. If you are just remotely tired, you will probably fall asleep. If you are overly caffeinated and/or hyper, you will lose interest. Somewhere in between those is the sweet spot, find that and you’ll enjoy it.

     As usual, here is a YouTube Trailer to pique one’s interest: WHAT WE BECOME, (2015) 

Oh, P.S., this movie is in Danish with English Subtitles. Just felt I should mention that!