Toxic Zombies, 1980

 

An opening scene reminiscent of Night of the Living Dead, with a musical score eerily similar, (and similarly eerie,) to that of Halloween, caught me right away! I was in. Here’s what happened next. 

A coupla’ shotgun totin’ dudes in a blue Peugot wagon park on the side of a forest road. They then stumble across a young woman giving herself a spongebath out of a bucket in the woods. They identify themselves as Federal Marshals and promptly blow her away.

The young woman’s cohorts show up and quickly kill the marshals. It turns out that she was a member of a group of illegal pot-growers harvesting their weed grown on federal land, (I guess nowadays, they’d be referred to as ‘Narco-Terrorists.)

Meanwhile, back at H.Q. the higher-ups are worried about their missing agents and even more worried about not nabbing the weed-growers. They make the decision to hire a local crop duster and spray the area in question with a highly experimental new pesticide.

There’s your “Annnd there it is” moment.

Shortly thereafter, crop duster and crop dustees show signs of sickness and exhibit behaviors of general homicidal unpleasantness.

The plot is minimal: Infect a group of people, and have them terrorize others. Zombie encounters are few, with victims being just assorted campers and passersby. 

    And the “Zombies” themselves aren’t really Zombies per se. They aren’t dead, undead, or voodoo-spawned. In fact, for 1980, they may be among the earliest of the ‘rage infected’ Z’s, (only 7 years after Romero’s ‘The Crazies,’ in 1973.)

The zombies, (for lack of a better term,) are slow and shambolic, and seemingly mindless, but will use tools such as an axe, a machete, and even torches. They are said to be cannbalistic, but their bites do not spread the illness. Also, they can be killed much the way any human can be. Their make up is minimal, too - just a few scabs, some blood stains, and an overall unkempt appearance.

The protagonists are interesting. A forestry worker and his wife going fishing trip with his brother, a couple of kids whose parents were killed by the infected, and a few assorted others. And, of course, the crop duster and his wife, (both of whose overacting I enjoyed very much!) 

        There are a few others here and there but the cast is kept small, almost definitely due to budget constraints. The characters are portrayed well enough, I can't say good acting, but not nearly as bad as what some other reviewers of Toxic Zombies have said.

Obviously, this was a low-budget production. I mean, that blue Peugot from the opening scene got used two more times in this film! So, make-up, acting, and effects all suffer from those limited resources. 

There is some gore and violence but it’s limited, and not nearly enough to warrant the R rating it boasted in the opening.

So, I used my ‘Zombie Movie Rubric' to give Toxic Zombies an objective grade. Based on budget, originality, zombies, effects, acting, et cetera, Toxic Zombies earned itself a 1.2 points out of a possible 4. Sadly, this means that I cannot recommend this movie, but, I wouldn’t say avoid it, either. It is what it is - a low-budget, 1980s, forest slasher movie. 

This movie got a lot of hate on IMDb, and much of it warranted. But I kinda liked it. I didn’t love it, and I acknowledge it was NOT a great movie, but don’t believe all the hate.

    The full-length film can be found free on a coupla' streaming services as of this writing, Plex and Roku, specifically. And YouTube has a trailer, (of course,) to convince you one way or the other.

Trailer, here: TOXIC ZOMBIES, (AKA Bloodeaters!)

Night of the Zombies, 1981

 

         We open with a coupla’ Americans, one from ‘Army Graves Registration,’ the other from the ‘U.S. Archives Division,’are in a remote and wintery area of Germany in search of the remains of soldiers from a later battle in World War Two.

A visiting German border guard explains there were no battles in this region. He further warns them they would be better off staying in town at night while they do their research, as this area is frequented by bandits, and also, “If you believe the poor, ignorant villagers, zombies.”

Of course, the Americans laugh off the warnings and refuse the suggestion to stay in town, and sure enough, once night falls, the pair encounter a full squadron of, (Duhn-duhn-duh…)

Nazi Zombies! So, yeah. I’m in, right! Great original premise, snowy remote locale, this could be a good one! Ahem. To continue.

So, those guys were killed. News reaches Washington that they disappeared while seeking the graves of a German Platoon and and American Chemical Weapons Division, well, a new search team is assembled.

A former C.I.A. operative is called in. He begins to investigate locally and here begins an excessively long and dragged out series of exploring, exposition, and espionage. Agent Monroe, the C.I.A. agent proceeds to travel all over Munich interrogating and strong-arming informants about deserters from thirty years before, (remember this is 1981, and WWII is much more recent to the time this film was set, than from that time to now!)

Eventually, Monroe and team, scientists and a cop, head back out to the blustery and snow-covered countryside and the research basecamp.

No surprise, the undead show, but not quite as ‘zombie-esque’ as expected...

The zombie’s make-up is absolutely crap - just grey-painted faces. Perhaps some fake flesh. And that’s it. Plus the face paint ends at the collar so the actors’ real flesh tones are visible at the base! And the Z’s, although Nazi Z’s, are also ‘Type 6,’ Dead People, a z-type of which I don’t typically review.

The original and interesting premise, which lured me in, quickly became convoluted with sub-plots and unnecessary backstories, all of which, by the way, the filmmakers felt needed to be discussed and played out at length. Had 3 out of the 4 story arcs been edited from it, a nice little movie could have played out.

I did like the the initial duo of researchers. It was a shame they couldn’t have stuck around for the story, because the rest of the cast of characters was thin and two-dimensional. The ‘Hero,’ Monroe, is as cardboard as a pizza box and shows less emotion than the zombies, (this is not exaggeration! In one scene, he infiltrates a platoon, and overhears them talking and the undead are displaying MUCH more personality than he did all movie long!)

     

The remote setting of the basecamp was cool and atmospheric, and showed some neat scenes of the dead marching out of the snowy backdrop. Even the long, drawn scenes of Muich were foreign and exotic enough to make me stay with Monroe’s ongoing and painstaking fact-finding mission.

Sadly, my enthusiasm for Night of the Zombies waned as the film ran. The Night of the Zombies began with ambition, but lost its way. Held up to the Zombie Movie Rubric, Night of the Zombies landed a 1.4 out of a possible 4 points. This does not earn it a recommendation to watch, but it does not warn to avoid, either, so, there ya go.

But there is a YouTube trailer to convince you one way or the other: NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES

Dead Air, 2009

 

 

A shock-jock radio DJ and his team taking questions about what makes people paranoid are blissfully unaware that terrorists have planted chemical weapons in various public sporting arenas across the country. The effect of these weapons is not surprisingly turning people into violent, mindless assailants. Once the on-air crew discover what is going on, they decide to remain at the station and report on the disaster, mostly through watching the news on TV, and phone-in callers, (very much like the Canadian ‘Pontypool’ from the previous year.)

Dead Air reunites 1990’s Night Of The Living Dead Bill Mosely and Patricia Tallman, but their characters seem a bit more subdued here than the sibling act in that remake, (which is awesome, BTW. Go check that out if you haven’t!). Still interesting, and engaging, but just lacking the same level of energy.

The ‘dead,’ in Dead Air are technically ‘infected,’ but seem to react more like zombies than your 28 Days Later/Crazies infected. These guys apparently have no thinking at all, and little coordination. And very clumsy. I mean, escaping a zombie while trapped together in a stuck elevator SHOULD be difficult, right? 

And unlike true zombies, they have less of a hunger for the living, and more of a general distaste, and attack with ‘swatting’-like blows, as well as punches and bites. This is most likely because in Dead Air, transmission of the illness is carried out with scratches as well as with bites.

 

And the infected are few. The biggest horde seen is one of the few outside of the studio shots and may have numbered into the dozens. Their undead make-up was just red, bleeding eyes to differentiate the living from the diseased.

In short, not much of a story arc and a tissue-thin plot combine with more than a few predictable moments as well. And then there is the whole Muslim terrorist angle…

It may read like I am slagging on the flick, and to some degree, I am, but this was obviously a shoe-string budget, (which must’ve seen the lion’s share going to secure Mosely and Tallman!) And it has that feel to it, too. The sounds, the tight settings, the music. So, that should all be taken into consideration.

Also, it should be told, it didn’t suck. I enjoyed it as an honest entry into the Z-genre. The Zombie Movie Rubric, however, is a far more objective rating tool. According to its cold, unblinking stare, ‘Dead Air’ earned itself a 2.0 out of 4 possible stars. This should earn it a “yeah, okay,” recommendation, or as a viable scratching to a Z-flick itch some dark night alone. Just don’t expect a masterpiece.

For the trailer to DEAD AIR to decide for yourself, see it here: DEAD AIR. 

 

Christmas With the Dead, 2012

A strange electrical storm on Christmas Eve kills off most of the town, (including the wife and daughter of local radio station manager, Calvin. Calvin only survived because he was napping through it!

Death, unfortunately, is fleeting and wife, Ella, and little Tina are back up and walking around like the rest of the recently deceased in no time. Only now, they are flesh-nibbling zombies!

Six months go by and Calvin keeps his dead missus on a chain and feeds her dogfood, optimistic for her return to normalcy. He spends his days running errands like getting gasoline for his generator, and retrieving food from his stockpile down at the radio station. He meets G.M., another survivor who shows him how the undead respond to music. Seeing this, Calvin believes that they still retain some humanity, and decides to fulfill his promise to his now dead family to provide the perfect Christmas. In June.

And then things get weird when the duo is abducted by a religious cult who escaped from an asylum for the criminally insane. Because, of course.

Unfortunately for me, the characters weren’t overly engaging. Calvin was just a ‘plug-and-play’ person, no real personality. G.M., a bit more likable, but hardly what I’d call relatable or root-for-able. For me, as a viewer, the lack of engagement in the protagonists diminishes the fear of their plight. 

The zombies weren’t too bad. Oh, sure their make-up was inconsistent, and the overactors portraying the dead were really jerking them corpses around, but aside from growling, and little electrical sparkles in their eyes, they were mostly Romero-types. They were just the recently dead, they were shambolic in movement, (SO shambolic!) They ate the living’s flesh and transferred Zombism through bites. Also, they were killed with headshots. So, at least some faithfulness to canon. Due to this, I will overlook the weird little addition of occasional electrical eye flicker.

The zombies weren’t the only ones troubled by bad acting. Almost all of the cast, living and dead, weren’t very convincing. But this might have been a good thing, because the dialog wouldn’t have rung true on good actor portrayals. And some of the ‘criminally insane’ characters’ ‘acting’ was literally cringeworthy. I cringed. 

From the start, Christmas With The Dead really played out like low budget project, although in fairness, the image clarity was pretty good. Also, I appreciated the lack of the ‘shaky cam’ technique - So overdone. But the story dragged. I think there were supposed to be funny parts, because the front of the DVD case had a quote calling it “Hilarious, scrappy, and even creepy.” I didn’t get any of that. 

True, I went in with high hopes and was disappointed, but, I used my rubric, the ZMR, for a more objective grading tool. Through its cold and calculating lens, Christmas With The Dead earned itself a 1.55 out of a possible four stars. This puts it in a below-average classification. I had never heard of this movie before recently and now I know why. I probably would have shut this off midway through, but it’s Christmas and I was hoping for a miracle. 

Here is the trailer for you to decide whether or not to see it:

CHRISTMAS WITH THE DEAD

Descendents, 2008

A story of mutation and evolution among Zombie Apocalypse survivors.

Narrated by and shot from the perspective of a young girl as she makes her way through the post-armageddon wasteland. The entire story is stitched together with the child’s musings and memories - flashbacks are plentiful. Actual Zombie encounters, not so much. No bother, apparently, the humans are more of a threat to the girl and her young companions. Fortunately for our diminutive protagonists, the trigger-happy military are some of the worst shots in cinematic history: Seriously, nearsighted Storm Troopers would mock these guys!

Coincidentally, the very reason the army guys are chasing the kids is the same reason the undead are NOT interested in them: these children have developed a specific mutation. And through these flashbacks we learn that the young group is traveling across the war-torn landscape to the presumed safety of the sea.

A hodgepodge assortment of camera techniques are employed to mask the ‘not-so-special’ effects: shaky cam, handhelds, Super-8 style, 1st person perspective, et cetera, to limited success. The hand-held shaky-cam in particular is so fierce that headaches will almost certainly ensue. And my apologies to the cameraman, who CLEARLY suffers from some violent nervous disorder.

Other clichéd effects include the brilliant bright, candy-apple red blood and the WAY over-used blood splatter on the camera lens shtick.

Zombies are straight-ahead Runners, but again, as no threat to the group of kids, they are not nearly as scary as they could have been.

But, the kicker is the surprise ending. The interesting and unique premise of evolution of humanity is almost completed overshadowed by film’s first real eyebrow-raising twist at its conclusion. BTW, that is not necessarily a good surprise.

So, all of the walking around from one antagonist encounter to the next, made Descendents a fairly boring experience for me. The Zombie Movie Rubric I employ for objective review ratings gave it a 1.7, with the heavy lifting awarded to 'originality within the genre.' This translates to somewhat of a recommendation, as in, if you’ve got nothing else going on, sure. But, personally, I would rate this a “Not unmissable.”

YouTube Trailer here: DESCENDENTS