Night of the Zombies, 1981

 

         We open with a coupla’ Americans, one from ‘Army Graves Registration,’ the other from the ‘U.S. Archives Division,’are in a remote and wintery area of Germany in search of the remains of soldiers from a later battle in World War Two.

A visiting German border guard explains there were no battles in this region. He further warns them they would be better off staying in town at night while they do their research, as this area is frequented by bandits, and also, “If you believe the poor, ignorant villagers, zombies.”

Of course, the Americans laugh off the warnings and refuse the suggestion to stay in town, and sure enough, once night falls, the pair encounter a full squadron of, (Duhn-duhn-duh…)

Nazi Zombies! So, yeah. I’m in, right! Great original premise, snowy remote locale, this could be a good one! Ahem. To continue.

So, those guys were killed. News reaches Washington that they disappeared while seeking the graves of a German Platoon and and American Chemical Weapons Division, well, a new search team is assembled.

A former C.I.A. operative is called in. He begins to investigate locally and here begins an excessively long and dragged out series of exploring, exposition, and espionage. Agent Monroe, the C.I.A. agent proceeds to travel all over Munich interrogating and strong-arming informants about deserters from thirty years before, (remember this is 1981, and WWII is much more recent to the time this film was set, than from that time to now!)

Eventually, Monroe and team, scientists and a cop, head back out to the blustery and snow-covered countryside and the research basecamp.

No surprise, the undead show, but not quite as ‘zombie-esque’ as expected...

The zombie’s make-up is absolutely crap - just grey-painted faces. Perhaps some fake flesh. And that’s it. Plus the face paint ends at the collar so the actors’ real flesh tones are visible at the base! And the Z’s, although Nazi Z’s, are also ‘Type 6,’ Dead People, a z-type of which I don’t typically review.

The original and interesting premise, which lured me in, quickly became convoluted with sub-plots and unnecessary backstories, all of which, by the way, the filmmakers felt needed to be discussed and played out at length. Had 3 out of the 4 story arcs been edited from it, a nice little movie could have played out.

I did like the the initial duo of researchers. It was a shame they couldn’t have stuck around for the story, because the rest of the cast of characters was thin and two-dimensional. The ‘Hero,’ Monroe, is as cardboard as a pizza box and shows less emotion than the zombies, (this is not exaggeration! In one scene, he infiltrates a platoon, and overhears them talking and the undead are displaying MUCH more personality than he did all movie long!)

     

The remote setting of the basecamp was cool and atmospheric, and showed some neat scenes of the dead marching out of the snowy backdrop. Even the long, drawn scenes of Muich were foreign and exotic enough to make me stay with Monroe’s ongoing and painstaking fact-finding mission.

Sadly, my enthusiasm for Night of the Zombies waned as the film ran. The Night of the Zombies began with ambition, but lost its way. Held up to the Zombie Movie Rubric, Night of the Zombies landed a 1.4 out of a possible 4 points. This does not earn it a recommendation to watch, but it does not warn to avoid, either, so, there ya go.

But there is a YouTube trailer to convince you one way or the other: NIGHT OF THE ZOMBIES

Zombies, (AKA Wicked Little Things,) 2006

  Opening scene exposition: a small mining town saw a tragedy in 1913 that led to a whole bunch of child-labor mine workers getting killed in a collapse. Fortunately, they’re still around! 

A hundred or so years later, a widowed mother of two young girls moves into the family home left to them by the deceased father/husband.

Of course the house is a dilapidated, rat-strewn wreck of a house, but Mom wants to fix it up, clean it up, sell it fast, and move on.

Meanwhile, older daughter, Sarah, meets up with some peers and is told about the ‘Zombie Miner Children’ legend of the surrounding forest, and younger daughter, Emma, has a new ‘imaginary friend,’ Mary, who just happens to 'live' in the woods.

Well, the whole thing plays out just like a decent ghost story should - the deceased rising at night to wreak revenge on the descendants of those that cost them their lives. Yeah, that old chestnut. However, that is both the good and the bad of it: it is more ghost story than zombie flick.

I mean, the minor-miners ARE dead, and apparently eat the flesh of their victims, but they only come out at night, they kill with pickaxes and shovels, they work together as a team, no transmission of Zombism, or any other of the ‘Rules of Romero apply, (aside from the eating of the flesh.)

In fact, these little blighters are more like ‘Nazi Zombies’ than any other Z-Type. Except, of course, that A) they’re just kids, and B) they died 20 or so years before the Nazis came into being.

As a zombie movie it is different, as a ghost story, not so much. Entertaining, though. The cast does fairly well, and the misty, woodsy, setting is creepy and atmospheric. The Killer Kids, though? Not really scary-looking. Dirty outfits and a little ‘Alice Cooper’ make-up is all. Sorry, ragamuffins.

Graded with the Zombie Movie Rubric for a little objectivity and Zombies, (or Wicked Little Things,) scored a 2.0 out a possible 4.0, which puts it smack-dab in the middle of the pack. An enjoyable little film worthy of a recommendation, but NOT to a zombie movie purist!

YouTube has both the trailer, here: WICKED LITTLE THINGS

Or, the whole film (with commercials,) under the name ZOMBIES

Also, as of this wring, it is included with Amazon Prime.

Oasis of the Zombies, 1981

During WWII , six million dollars in gold gets stashed in a North African desert oasis. The soldiers transporting it were slaughtered and their corpses left to guard it.

Flash forward to the present, (well, not really. 1981,) a mercenary is hoping to find that gold, and nothing short of killing will stop him. Meanwhile, the son of the man recently killed by the aforementioned mercenary, and a group of his fellow students ALSO go gold seeking… only to find the Undead soldiers!

Lots of unfulfilled plot potential in the back-story, and the barely-kept promise of Nazi Zombies, along with deceptively cool poster art is the hook, and the bait. Sadly, there’s not all that much more.

The titular Zombies are slow and lumbering, (which can be good!) and subterranean. Not in a buried way, but more like the subaquatic Nazis Zs from Shockwaves. They also are repelled by sunlight and fire and are EXTREMELY combustible! (Almost as if they are dressed in oil-soaked newspaper!) 

Also a plus is the lack of growling. Actually, they display no facial movements through their rubbery features. An occasion writhing worm gets camera attention, but unfortunately shows off the pop-eyed masks. 

    Also, these boys are only by the narrowest of margins classified as “Nazi Zombies.” And even then, they would disappoint.

The movie is slow to get going, and then slow-going. A decent editor could have pruned out 30 minutes of walking scenes, and another 30 minutes of unnecessary character development to make this movie only a LITTLE too long.

I imagine most of the blame for this falls on the attempt to create atmosphere. But suspense needs payoff. And thank goodness for the creepy organ music, so I knew when I should be scared.

The actual oasis also could’ve been utilized better, too. It looked more like storm damage in the tropics. As far as an exotic setting, it comes in like another unfulfilled promise.

I am obviously somewhat biased, so, to the ZMR we go for more objectivity!

The Zombie Movie Rubric gives this Jess Franco offering a solid 1 out of 4 uh, ‘stars?’ Points were scored primarily to the unfortunately underutilized undead and the way they moved.

 

Sadly, a 1 out of 4 translates to an “Don’t Bother,” rating, unless you’ve got time to kill, and just want to see how bad it is really is. 

I personally feel a 1 is generous. Everything about Oasis of the Zombies was a completely forgettable Z-flick to me.

YouTube trailer, here: Oasis of the Zombies

Zombie Brigade, 1986

         A rural Australian Outback town has plans to develop a Japanese-funded ‘Robot Man' theme park. Only problem - It’s on a Vietnam War Memorial Cemetery. No biggie! Just get rid of the whole thing before the investors can see it!

I mean, what could POSSIBLY go wrong!?!

So, after a very awkward ‘meet & greet’ with the locals and the backers, a small gathering is planned to commemorate the deal. As the back-country, outback planning committee of ‘Lizard Valley’ and the slick, urbane, Japanese investor celebrate and scheme to impress/take advantage of each other, dead, or rather ‘undead’ soldiers are emerging from the new destroyed war monument seeking revenge… And human flesh!

After a long night, (actually VERY brief, cinematically speaking!) of the undead ravaging, chasing, and biting townsfolk to death, some survivors gather together to figure out what is happening, (and provide the audience with some exposition!!!)

Apparently, during the war, the Vietnamese soldiers, out-gunned, out-teched, and out-financed by the Yanks, turned towards their own form of ‘chemical warfare,’  a sort of ‘living dead’ serum, that turned soldiers into, well, the living dead. The soldiers were sealed up in the cemetery and there is some mention of ‘inert gas’ and more, but it is so fleeting that any sense really depends on the viewers inference.

As the ‘day after’ progresses, the townsfolk all assume the undead will return at nightfall. (I call them 'undead' and not zombies, because their status as such remains unclear. They have fangs and fear daylight, and have been killed by wooden stakes through the heart, but are not intelligent or verbal, and move as lumbering ghouls.

(There is, however, a great scene where a priest attempts to repel said ghouls with a crucifix… That did NOT go how he thought it’d go, I dare say!!!)

Furthermore, it is learned that the government has mined all of the exits out of town in an effort of containment. 

    Also, Jimmy and Yoshi begin the absolutely worst romantic flirting ever.

(Well, they WERE warned!)

Eventually, a terrible plan is arrived at - to resurrect OTHER dead soldiers to combat the first group using Jimmy’s Aboriginal Uncle Charlie’s “Black Fella” magic.

And then, THEN, things get weird.

So, now you've got the undead soldiers raised by the destruction of the monument, and the undead “White Fellas” raised by the Uncle Charlie’s Dreamtime Magic, (Now That sound’s like a great Prog/Psych band name right???) Well, all of these recently resurrected undead soldiers, they uh, well, they team up! Yup. Shake hands and welcome each other, and INSTEAD of doing battle, they decide to burn and raze the town. They then use carts and metal detectors to to plot a way out of the town and through its government-installed land mines to remove the coffins of the dead. Somehow, not too surprisingly, the remaining living survivors are kind’ve okay with it.    Hey, who I am I to judge, right?

    Okay, let’s tally this turkey up! 

    Nothing all too original, here, with its weird and inconsistent zomb…, uh, I mean, ‘undead,’ and absolutely terrible special effects, (let’s just call them ‘effects,' m’kay?) 

    And the few and far between action shot being filmed at night made nothing easy to watch, especially with this ‘pocket-change’ budget.

On the plus side, some of the characters were entertaining, and the Australian Outback made for a great setting. Fun accents, and quirky, small-town humor keeps this from being a total pooch.

But when held up against the Zombie Movie Rubric, Zombie Brigade earned itself nothing more than a 0.88 out of a possible 4.0. Sadly, this does NOT earn a recommendation!

I also found this rather enthusiastic write-up!

    Finally, Here is a YouTube Trailer for the film. See for yourself: ZOMBIE BRIGADE 

And what would a Zombie Movie be without a musical interlude - Here's The Sons of Gums (?) with Yoshi for an impromptu jam sesh! "An Offer I Can't Refuse"

Garden of the Dead, 1972

    Camp Hoover, in Windsor, CO is a deeply-rural, hard-time penitentiary work farm that apparently makes and refines formaldehyde among its other products. And, wouldn’t you know, some of the prisoners have taken to sniffing the stuff for a cheap ’n’ easy high. Of course, some of these men become hopeless addicted!

    A daring, late-night jailbreak is planned! And seven or eight of the inmates tunnel out under the wall, and attempt getting to and highjacking the camp truck.

    One of the men, however, because he was so high on the vapor, accidentally alerts the guards.

    The old-school, hard-nosed warden, already planning on quitting the increasingly softening prison system, shows no mercy on the almost escapees and shoots them all dead. Then, for further insult to injury, all of the  corpses are tossed into a mass grave… in the formaldehyde-soaked ground. What could possibly go wrong?

    I'll tell you what! The dead rise up!!! They rise up and seek revenge on, well, everyone! Being still at least somewhat sentient, one, the undead ringleader, says, “We will destroy the living!” and starts handing out farm equipment - axes, shovels, hoes, (everything needed to grow formaldehyde, I guess!) to his newly resurrected cohorts.

    As the growling ‘zombies’ run stealthily around, ‘picking’ off the living with their farming tools, the remaining living prisoners and guards team up to seek a stronghold against the undead assassins.

    The breakdown: The Zombies in ‘Garden of the Dead’ are dead, but have retained some reasoning. They use tools, stealth, and, occasionally, language. They still crave the formaldehyde vapor like propaganda-film junkies, but still manage to attack and evade.

    So, the undead adhere to only the one of the ‘Rules of Romero,’ in that they are recently deceased. No consuming of flesh, no transmission of zombism, and no need to destroy the brain. As such, although no military correlation, these are most closely related to Nazi Zombies, or the ‘vampires’ from Matheson’s ‘Last Man On Earth.’ (Think, “Neville, come out!”)

    Acting was okay. About what one would expect from an early Troma feature. But it was sincere. And. perhaps because it was such early entry into the genre, (four or so years after Night of the Living Dead,) this means that “Garden” doesn’t need to try too hard to be different, (i.e. funny.) As such, it succeeds!

    Sure it never won any awards, or will ever be considered anything more than a D-grade, low-budget, zombie film, but I liked it!

    The ZMR, my Zombi Movie Rubrik, (which keeps me as close to impartial as possible,) gave Garden of the Dead a 1.8 out of a possible 4.0. Surprisingly, I agree with this rating. I mean, it does ring in as below average, but it takes itself seriously, and there were some genuine scares.

    Here is a YouTube clip, (can’t call it an honest ‘Trailer,’ just a few minutes from the flick. Enjoy!

GARDEN OF THE DEAD 

Outpost (2008)

    Ray Stevenson is hired to assemble a team of battle-hardened mercenaries to escort their mysterious money-man into the Eastern European wilderness in search of “Minerals.” Easy-peasy, 48 hours round trip. 

    Well, ‘minerals’ turns out to be Nazi Gold and the location is an old, underground  German bunker. And, shortly thereafter, unknown enemy fire from without forces the squad to hole up and fortify the old bunker.

    Soon, what started out as a very ‘Predator’-like film, (“Get to de CHOPPA!!!”), becomes a haunted house ghost story, complete with silent ghostly apparitions! 

    Then, as the inevitable siege gets setting in full-swing, FINALLY! The Nazi Zombies are tagged in!

    Oh, they may have ghost-like qualities, but these shock-troopers kill with bullets, bayonets, and even a pickaxe!

And, although these Zs seem unstoppable, invulnerable, and in overwhelming numbers, a plausible plan for defeating them is in place and hopes are high! But the time is short, and the undead have breached the bunker!

    Outpost’s action scenes are really good, if sporadic. There are periods of slow exposition and atmosphere-building, and then suddenly and briefly, some violence and gore, then back to storyline. The squad works well as a team and although there is some hamming, the mercs are convincingly portrayed. 

    The undead are, of course, Nazi Zombies, and therefore need not adhere to the Rules of Romero. Instead, at times appear as if ghosts, others, as silent soldiers following orders. There is a commanding officer Nazi Z, but he, too, is utterly silent.

    The movie setting, deep in a wilderness, surrounded by forest, and filmed in under-saturated, washed-out colors, provides great mood - very bleak and soullessly utilitarian. Perfectly befitting a clash between two armed forces in Eastern Europe.

    Yeah, I enjoyed this one, but I am such a sucker for a well-done Nazi Undead flick. If, instead, you place your trust in the cold heartlessness of maths, then there is The Zombie Movies Rubric to convince you. When held up to the ZMR, OUTPOST earned itself a 2.55 out of 4.0 points. And although that is a pretty good rating, I may’ve been a bit more generous!

Either way, if you dig your walking dead with a pinch of goose-stepping WWII evil, you should enjoy OUTPOST. 

Of course, YouTube has a trailer to further help you decide! OUTPOST

    Two sequels to follow - reviews coming soon!