Valley of the Dead, 2020

AKA 'Malnazidos.'

 

    In order to avoid being executed, a smart-assed captain is sent on a suicide mission to deliver intel across ‘no man’s land’ in a war-strewn Spanish countryside. 

Teamed with a private awaiting execution for desertion as his driver, Captain Lozano sees a plane shot down overhead and decides to aid the parachuting pilot. On their way, the two are captured by some freedom-fighters, and soon the group is attacked by the fallen pilot: dead, legless, and covered in a strange blue dust.

After surviving another attack of the undead, an uneasy alliance is formed and the group heads towards a ‘safe house’ in the woods, only to find it occupied. After a Tarantino-esque Mexican standoff, they form a slightly larger, and significantly uneasier alliance comprised of fascists, anarchists, a Russian, an American, a Muslim, and even a shotgun-totin’ Catholic nun!

Once the safe house proves to be not so safe, the ragtag collection of would-be heroes decides to find out what the hell is actually happening!

       Okay! So, the Zombies: Despite being of Nazi origin, these are straight-up Romeros. Oh sure, their Zombie make-up is minimal, but they adhere to all five of the Rules of Romero; 1) they are recently deceased, 2) shambolic and lack any intelligence, 3)they eat the flesh of the living, 4) they transmit zombism by bites, and 5) they can only be stopped by destroying the brain. Nice. Respect for canon.

The cast are both likable and relatable whatever their allegiance, and well portrayed. Oh, sure an action-Zombie-film cliche or two is peppered throughout, (casually walking away from an explosion, a gigantic full moon, badass women,) but still these work within the context of the film.

 

So, combined with decent production, good special effects and almost non-stop action, I really enjoyed this one. And apparently, so did the Zombie Movie Rubric. When held up against its 9 objective sets of criteria, Valley of the Dead, earned itself a 3.1 out of a possible 4.0 points. This is easily translated into a recommendation to watch!

I saw it in its ‘English dubbed’ version on Netflix, and I am sure Spanish speakers would prefer it in its original Spanish.

Go over to YouTube for, well, not actually a trailer, but a collection of scenes that give a good idea what to expect. VALLEY OF THE DEAD

Oasis of the Zombies, 1981

During WWII , six million dollars in gold gets stashed in a North African desert oasis. The soldiers transporting it were slaughtered and their corpses left to guard it.

Flash forward to the present, (well, not really. 1981,) a mercenary is hoping to find that gold, and nothing short of killing will stop him. Meanwhile, the son of the man recently killed by the aforementioned mercenary, and a group of his fellow students ALSO go gold seeking… only to find the Undead soldiers!

Lots of unfulfilled plot potential in the back-story, and the barely-kept promise of Nazi Zombies, along with deceptively cool poster art is the hook, and the bait. Sadly, there’s not all that much more.

The titular Zombies are slow and lumbering, (which can be good!) and subterranean. Not in a buried way, but more like the subaquatic Nazis Zs from Shockwaves. They also are repelled by sunlight and fire and are EXTREMELY combustible! (Almost as if they are dressed in oil-soaked newspaper!) 

Also a plus is the lack of growling. Actually, they display no facial movements through their rubbery features. An occasion writhing worm gets camera attention, but unfortunately shows off the pop-eyed masks. 

    Also, these boys are only by the narrowest of margins classified as “Nazi Zombies.” And even then, they would disappoint.

The movie is slow to get going, and then slow-going. A decent editor could have pruned out 30 minutes of walking scenes, and another 30 minutes of unnecessary character development to make this movie only a LITTLE too long.

I imagine most of the blame for this falls on the attempt to create atmosphere. But suspense needs payoff. And thank goodness for the creepy organ music, so I knew when I should be scared.

The actual oasis also could’ve been utilized better, too. It looked more like storm damage in the tropics. As far as an exotic setting, it comes in like another unfulfilled promise.

I am obviously somewhat biased, so, to the ZMR we go for more objectivity!

The Zombie Movie Rubric gives this Jess Franco offering a solid 1 out of 4 uh, ‘stars?’ Points were scored primarily to the unfortunately underutilized undead and the way they moved.

 

Sadly, a 1 out of 4 translates to an “Don’t Bother,” rating, unless you’ve got time to kill, and just want to see how bad it is really is. 

I personally feel a 1 is generous. Everything about Oasis of the Zombies was a completely forgettable Z-flick to me.

YouTube trailer, here: Oasis of the Zombies

Night of the Sea Gulls (1975)

(And yes! 'Sea Gulls' is spelt that way here.)

     Amando De Ossorio’s Blind Dead return again for their fourth and final film of the series. This time, they reside in a castle by the coast of a remote village.

     Our story opens with a new doctor and his young wife settling into his deeply rural and remote coastal appointment. As rumors of mystery abound, a old church bell tolls, and weird noises are heard one evening, the couple witnesses a strange ritual down by the shore. Dismissing it as an old local custom, they return home none the wiser.

     Unbeknownst to them, (and yes! I love using the word ‘unbeknownst!’) the Blind Dead are a-rising! And even more surprisingly, (*Spoiler Alert!*) the whole town knows!

     It appears that sacrifice is demanded to keep the Templars at bay - seven girls, every seven years. Soon, the doctor and his missus must decide: Escape & live, or try to stop the madness!

     Once again, De Ossorio employs his tried and true, (and to be honest, fairly perfect,) grave emerging scenes from the first two films. The atmosphere, like its predecessors, is creepy and stark, making the glacially-slow movements of the Knights all the more intense. That, their blindness, and their thirst for blood victims seems to be the only constants from previous films. 

    You see, once again, this appears to be an entirely different story and mythos from the previous three movies. So, to call it a sequel would be an inaccuracy. 

    For example, no more are the Knights satanic. In this installment, they seem to worship some ancient, pagan, deep-sea god, whose stone image seems like something straight out of a Lovecraft novel!

See what I mean!?!

     So, as usual, I referred to my Zombie Movie Rubric  for an objective and irrefutable rating. Here, NIGHT OF THE SEA GULLS landed a 2.0 out of a possible 4. 

     Now, I know that this seems to be an average, middle of the road rating, and, as such, makes it far better than oh-so-many terrible zombie films, but still, to me, it is the weakest entry in the Blind Dead series. Worth a watch, if only to complete the tetralogy.

In fact, a very long trailer, found on YouTube might even be enough to sate one’s dead, evil, Templars appetite. 

So, Here is just that! NIGHT OF THE SEA GULLS. 

 

The Ghost Galleon, (1974)

         Amando de Ossorio’s Blind Dead are back and this time, they have a boat!!!

We begin with what was supposed to be a simple publicity stunt… A coupla’ bikini-clad cuties in a stalled-out boat are rescued and get some big press for the sporting goods company. Easy, right?

Unfortunately for the models, a mysterious fog envelops their tiny craft, and disrupts their radio transmissions. Stranger still, that fog concealed an old Spanish galleon, with creaking, rotten timbers and ragged sails.

Meanwhile, concern for the missing models becomes enough to mount a search party, and soon, all are on the haunted old ship as night falls, and those boxes in the hold are starting to open…

What is almost a straight-ahead haunted house story, the ancient galleon is very atmospheric - dusty, dark, cluttered, and claustrophobic, providing a great, creepy tension.

And, of course, the Templar knights are, as always, awesome! All skeletal and decaying, in their filthy monk-like robes. Oh sure, there is no emerging from the cemetery soil scene, but the opening of their crates is done quite well, if fairly vampiric in nature, even in returning to them during the day.

The incredibly slow approach of the dead knights seems, in this setting, far more scary. In the wide open Spanish plains and town squares of the previous films, an able-bodied person could outpace them with a brisk walk, (thusly necessitating their ghost steeds.) Here however, in the tight and crumbling quarters of the old boat, all of the drama of the previous films is now taking place in a very confined area with no escape.

Ossorio continues with his practice of assembling an eclectic collection of the living - from models, publicists, henchmen, and the prerequisite Templar Knight historian. One must assume this is done to vary the reactions to situation. Luckily for the viewers, the characters are fairly entertaining, because they seem to get far more screen time than their deceased counterparts.

Held up to the ZMR for an objective rating, and The Ghost Galleon earned itself a 2.22 out of a possible 4 points. Although this is a step back from the first two Blind Dead films, it still provides some good scares, and a really great ending.

As per usual, YouTube has a decent trailer to entice you further ☞ THE GHOST GALLEON.

     

     (And try to look past the crappy toy ship shots.)

Return of the Evil Dead (1973)

     

    Amando Ossorio’s Blind Dead are back and this time it is the 500th anniversary of when the townsfolk of Berzano burnt out the eyes of the sadistic, Satanic Templars and then burned them alive… uh, to death.

    With a whole new cast of hapless and well-eyebrow-endowed living characters to pursue, the Blind Dead rise with that same great grave-emerging scene from the original… I mean, that EXACT scene, cut and paste into this film. But What the heck! Why re-shoot it, right? It was awesome before, it’s awesome again!

    The blind, undead Templars are extremely slow moving, (except when riding their deathly steeds!) and show no signs of emotion or higher intelligence - with the exception of riding dead horses and using 16th century swords. In their filthy, grey, and decaying cowls and hooded robes, they are again the bearded skeletons of the original. 

    A few changes have been made by the way of vulnerabilities to the knights, and dispatching them is no longer impossible, but their look, movements, and completely chilling silence really convey the ghoulish and sinister feel.

Because, again, mood and atmosphere do most of the heavy-lifting here.

    That said, the scene of the mounted and sword-wielding knights doing a whole-sale slaughter in the town square really IS a gruesome delight, but still, kind of lacks the creepiness and primal-fear-inducing tone of the silent, shuffling, on-foot undead.

    I found the living in ‘Return’ to be a bit more engage-able than its predecessor. Personalities more developed, more interesting individual backstories, and making far fewer bad decisions. There is a much more linear feel to the plot, too, with a story arc that builds well and culminates more naturally. There is even a stronghold scene, à la Night of the Living Dead!

    Adding all of these factors up and measuring them on my ZMR, (Zombie Movie Rubric,) a decent rating of 2.88 out of 4 is the outcome. This equates to an above average Undead movie entry and earns a recommendation as a good, creepy, ‘lights out’ night’s viewing.

A YouTube Trailer will ensure you never forget the name: RETURN OF THE EVIL DEAD   

Tombs of the Blind Dead, (1971)

    Sadistic, medieval knights perform a Satanic blood ritual that re-animates them in 1971 Portugal… Things go downhill from there.

So, here is some story: Just as Virginia and Roger plan a romantic camping trip for two in Portugal, Virginia meets an old college roommate, Elizabeth, and ol’ Randy Roger invites her along. The jealous and frustrated Virginia jumps the train out of spite at a remote and foreboding location alone, at the abandoned medieval town of ‘Berzano.’

The brave and outdoorsy Ginny shelters in some old ruins, builds a fire, and unrolls her sleeping bag. She’ll deal with it tomorrow. But her presence has not gone unnoticed…

Now the good stuff! With an amazing grave emergence scene we get a good look at these ‘Templar’ knights, blackened and skeletal, yet mustachioed and wearing filthy and rotting cloaks and cowls. They move incredibly slowly, even for the dead, (except when riding their undead steeds, of course,) and are thoroughly and completely silent. This silence is crushing  and accentuated nicely by echoed sound effects and a background monastic chant. The result is a profoundly creepy atmosphere.

Back to the plot. When Virginia’s bitten and bloodless body is spotted by a passing train engineer, super-swarthy Roger and the continually-surprised Elizabeth, (now kind of an ‘it’s complicated’ couple,) learn through rumors, legends, info-sharing special police, and, of course, the ubiquitous ‘Resident Specialist Historian’ all about the Templars. 

And soon, our uber-Spaniard, Roger and his “just friends” companion team up with a ridiculously sweaty smuggler, Pedro, and his lusty, Gypsy squeeze, Maria, to solve “The Mystery of Berzano!” 

So, yeah, okay, the story line for the living is all over and full of holes, (Hey! Much like Virginia!!!) but the backstory to the Templars is key. It is also very original and fascinating! And the mood created by this is just awesome. Remember, this is pre-‘jump scares.’ This is all suspense and atmosphere.  

Considered by many to be Spain’s answer to ‘Night of the Living Dead.’ And it is not hard to see why. Armando De Ossorio’s ‘Blind Dead’ is fresh and unexpected. Sure, there is some gratuitous exploitation bits and bobs, but born here was a new mythos of the undead, so a lot is forgiven. Yeah, I like this movie a lot. 

Held up to my impartial Zombie Movie grading Rubric, the ZMR, and ‘Tombs’ earned a whopping 3.0 out of 4 points! Acting, characters, and SPFX take the blame for the lower points with originality, explanations, film quality bringing in the numbers.

Now, although technically speaking not a ‘zombie apocalypse’ movie, as an entry in the ‘undead-rise-up-and-eat you’ category, it is a prime contender. Not surprisingly, it spawned sequels - 3 of them, actually, (reviews forthcoming.) Each of which finding its own new element/setting to keep it fresh.

This is a highly recommended late-night watch for anyone who reads movie reviews like this one. Best enjoyed with the lights out.

It seems that most YouTube trailers show assorted scenes from the film in non-sequential order. This makes them seem more confusing than they really are. Here is one: TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD

BTW, the whole film seems to exist on YouTube as well! So, enjoy!!!

[●REC], (2007)

   A cute, young TV reporter and her cameraman are filming a piece about the fire department for their news program in Barcelona, Spain. They get to ride along on a routine call and find themselves quarantined inside a building along with the firefighters and residents due to a "virus outbreak" that causes violent bouts of cannibalism. 

Trapped in a quarantined building is a journalist 'scoop!'

   Some excellent SPFX and some real edge-of-the-seat moments make up for the need of subtitles. Nice and scary film through and through, and the "found footage" treatment doesn't seem clichéd due to the news camera.

    Superior to the U.S. remake, known as Quarantine, (despite subtitles, or the fact that Quarantine stars Jennifer Carpenter from Dexter,) with high marks for originality, pacing, story and a great, creepy, claustrophobic atmosphere. 

   According to my ZMR, this one racks up a 3.75 stars points out of a possible 4.0! This ranks it as a 'Highly Recommended!'

   The success of the movie saw it followed with 3 sequels! 

Official Trailer on YouTube: [●REC] Yes, it is in Spanish, but it is still the superior version.