Christmas With the Dead, 2012

A strange electrical storm on Christmas Eve kills off most of the town, (including the wife and daughter of local radio station manager, Calvin. Calvin only survived because he was napping through it!

Death, unfortunately, is fleeting and wife, Ella, and little Tina are back up and walking around like the rest of the recently deceased in no time. Only now, they are flesh-nibbling zombies!

Six months go by and Calvin keeps his dead missus on a chain and feeds her dogfood, optimistic for her return to normalcy. He spends his days running errands like getting gasoline for his generator, and retrieving food from his stockpile down at the radio station. He meets G.M., another survivor who shows him how the undead respond to music. Seeing this, Calvin believes that they still retain some humanity, and decides to fulfill his promise to his now dead family to provide the perfect Christmas. In June.

And then things get weird when the duo is abducted by a religious cult who escaped from an asylum for the criminally insane. Because, of course.

Unfortunately for me, the characters weren’t overly engaging. Calvin was just a ‘plug-and-play’ person, no real personality. G.M., a bit more likable, but hardly what I’d call relatable or root-for-able. For me, as a viewer, the lack of engagement in the protagonists diminishes the fear of their plight. 

The zombies weren’t too bad. Oh, sure their make-up was inconsistent, and the overactors portraying the dead were really jerking them corpses around, but aside from growling, and little electrical sparkles in their eyes, they were mostly Romero-types. They were just the recently dead, they were shambolic in movement, (SO shambolic!) They ate the living’s flesh and transferred Zombism through bites. Also, they were killed with headshots. So, at least some faithfulness to canon. Due to this, I will overlook the weird little addition of occasional electrical eye flicker.

The zombies weren’t the only ones troubled by bad acting. Almost all of the cast, living and dead, weren’t very convincing. But this might have been a good thing, because the dialog wouldn’t have rung true on good actor portrayals. And some of the ‘criminally insane’ characters’ ‘acting’ was literally cringeworthy. I cringed. 

From the start, Christmas With The Dead really played out like low budget project, although in fairness, the image clarity was pretty good. Also, I appreciated the lack of the ‘shaky cam’ technique - So overdone. But the story dragged. I think there were supposed to be funny parts, because the front of the DVD case had a quote calling it “Hilarious, scrappy, and even creepy.” I didn’t get any of that. 

True, I went in with high hopes and was disappointed, but, I used my rubric, the ZMR, for a more objective grading tool. Through its cold and calculating lens, Christmas With The Dead earned itself a 1.55 out of a possible four stars. This puts it in a below-average classification. I had never heard of this movie before recently and now I know why. I probably would have shut this off midway through, but it’s Christmas and I was hoping for a miracle. 

Here is the trailer for you to decide whether or not to see it:

CHRISTMAS WITH THE DEAD

Outside, 2024

  Francis attempts to keep his family safe from the Zombie apocalypse in a rural Philippine town by returning to his childhood home. As he, his wife and two young sons shelter in the remote farm house, some unresolved childhood traumas resurface, and Francis starts to develop some definite 'Jack Torrance’ tendencies.

    As Francis’ obsession with keeping his family ‘safe’ grows, he boards up the old homestead and keeps everyone inside, despite his wife and sons' desire to travel north, to reported safety. Francis sees ulterior motives in their wanting to leave and even exaggerates the frequency and ferocity of the ever-lessening zombie attacks as a way to emotionally manipulate the young and frightened family.

Jack’s, I mean, Francis’, (sorry,) descent into madness is the real antagonist here. The Zombies are more of a justification for his actions. I mean, any external threat could have sufficed - Aliens, Nazis, wild animals. But Zombies were the chosen catalyst, and for that, we all win.

Those “dead ones,” although not exactly athletic, are still no slowpokes. One needs to hustle to stay ahead. But still require the head shot to dispatch, and transmit the zombism through bites. These Zs also exhibit a different and unusual habit: they repeat the word or phrase that they uttered most or last in life. The uttering of these rote vocalizations, devoid of meaning, adds a bit of dimension and individuality to the undead, and reminds us that they were once humans. It’s also creepy as hell.

Acting was fine - convincing and realistic, (amongst both living and deceased,) and special effects were decent, too. The storyline got a little muddled here and there, with some unnecessary family issues arising. Thusly, Outside’s pacing was a bit slow, I’m sure in attempts to create atmosphere, and a sense of claustrophobia. Ringing in at 2 hours and 22 minutes, however, I would have preferred a lot more walking dead encounters. But as I mentioned, Dad’s emotional deterioration was the main threat here, and well, these things take time.

So, although more of a ‘psychological thriller’ than a straight out ‘zombie horror,’ when rated with my Zombie movie Rubric, Outside scored itself a 2.33 points out of a possible 4.0. The lion’s share of points going to the Zombies, with the pacing and runtime easily costing it the most. 2.33 is still an above average score for a Z-flick. This earns it a recommendation, but one with a caveat: Outside is a time commitment. But even still, it’s a nice watch, and a decent entry into the genre!

And of course, the YouTube trailer to convince you, one way or the other!  OUTSIDE.

Wormwood: Road of the Dead, 2014

 

  

    Jumping right into the action with a zombie attack in full effect, we meet a small group of survivors holed up in a garage out in remote Australia. There is no time to get to know our protagonists except through them telling one another how they got there, with the backstories themselves being action packed. One of the men explains how he needs to rescue his sister, and they agree to armor themselves and retrieve a pickup.

The guys ‘Mad Max’-up a Toyota Hilux with tubular steel, a cage in the back, and even a harpoon gun on top. It’s fairly cool. There seems to be an issue with fuel, and through trial, error, and accident, a solution is found, (one that explains why zombies are fast at night and slow during the day!)

So, armored, vehicled, and ready to rumble, they begin their rescue mission. They believe the sister, Brooke, is holed up in a studio/shed under attack by zombies, but in reality, she has been captured by these paramilitary types who are working with a sadistic scientist type who is a right evil bastard.

The two groups encounter one another, and we learn that people with the blood type A- seem to be immune from the virus. The two factions clash. Our boys evade and are pursued. And even more action ensues!

The sister, Brooke, at this point, has revealed a skill of her own. She apparently can control the zombies with her mind to some extent. She attempts to escape captivity and her experimental treatment this way.

    How did she develop this ability? It isn’t really said. Perhaps through the stuff Dr. Evil was giving her? And for how long was this guy doing these things? Didn’t the Z’apocalypse, like, JUST start? 

Don’t over think it. Simply a plot devices. Accept it, and move on. You’ll be able to enjoy the movie that way. Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead is an action film. One with zombies, elements of horror, and humor, sure. But the ‘Action’ section is where this was filed!

The zombies, with the exception of nocturnal sprinting abilities, were for the most part  Romeros. Dead, flesh-eating, contagious, and stopped only by trashing the brain. They did screech like angry animals, though. So, 'mostly Romeros.'

Acting was convincing by both living and dead, and zombie make-up was decent. Characters were believable, and engaging, and for the most part, likable. This last part was unfortunate as Wyrmwood would kill off a character without warning. Sometimes sadly, sometimes humorously. But no one was safe!

I found this to be an enjoyable Zombie movie, and despite the questionable logic, a welcome and refreshing entry into the genre. Held up to the ZMR for a more objective rating and Wyrmwood scored itself a 2.88 points out of a potential 4.0! While this definitely translates to a recommendation, a caveat is needed: The is a certain suspension of logic required now and then. Go into this open-mindedly and you're in for a helluva ride!

YouTube has a few decent vids on it. Here is a trailer: WYRMWOOD: ROAD OF THE DEAD 

Night of the Comet, 1984

 

It’s 11 days until Christmas in Southern California in the mid 1980s, and a comet, not seen in our solar system in 65 million years returns to be visible from Earth. In typical 1984 fashion, ‘Comet Viewing Parties’ are everywhere!

18-yearold Valley Girl/military brat, Regina, decides instead to spend the night with her shallow coworker/boyfriend, Larry, in the projection booth of the theatre where the two work.

In the morning, (after ‘The Night of the Comet,’) Larry goes out looking for someone he illegally rented a film to. Streets are all empty, except for clothes and red dust. Then suddenly, Larry gets attacked. 

Great attention to detail: Look at the fake nails!

Locked out now, Reggie goes out looking for Larry and gets attacked by the same assailant. Reg karates the thing off, and jumps on Larry’s motorbike and heads home, only to find her her pep-squad kid sis completely oblivious to the apocalypse. How could have stopped when the DJ on the radio said nothing and is acting like everything is fine?

So, the two decide to shift their shoulder pads and big hair to the local radio station to find out. Here they meet Hector, and after a gunpoint standoff and a racial slur or two, the sisters team up with the equally fluffy-haired trucker. After they talk things over, (and with a little romantic tension,) Hector decides to go see if his family is still alive. So, with his tight Jordaches and big ol' aviators, he splits, promising to return soon.

Cut to a military bunker of scientists and survivalists. They are working on a method to cure, (or at least slow,) the effects on those who weren’t vaporized by the comet. Scientists argue over treatments, and the wisdom of retrieving other survivors, and eventually reach  a decision to go collect the girls, (who broadcasted their whereabouts over the radio!!!)

The two factions meet up, and the vast differences in their agendas becomes more evident.

Okay. Enough with the synopsis. Lets talk zombies. Well, they are very minimal! Apparently, the Zombism is the end stage of a decaying process. This was contracted by those with only minimal exposure to the comet’s effects, (while those in steel shelters were apparently safe!) The Z’s can talk and think, but they still hunt for the living. They aren't necessarily dead, shambolic, or even contagious! So, the word 'zombie' might not even apply!

A good budget and decent acting manage to buoy the rating on this one, but genuine scares, like the undead, are all too few.

And  WOW! This movie has SUCH an eighties vibe, with its technology, wardrobe, hairstyles, and music! The soundtrack is basically a sampler remix of synth riffs fillers from that era’s action/adventure/ comedies movies like ‘Fletch,’ ‘Gremlins,’ and ‘Beverly Hills Cop.’ You know what I mean, as soon as you hear it, you know.

But I had gone looking for an ‘80s Zombie movie, and this one always comes up in people’s lists, and usually with high ratings and recommendations. I can only assume a lot of this is nostalgia-based. I mean, it was watchable. Not unenjoyable, but I would not have given this one any higher than an average.

But I held it up to the Zombie Movie Rubric to see how it rated objectively. Predictably, budget, acting, and characters lifted this up, where it ran fairly neutral in most categories. In the end, the ZMR rated The Night Of The Comet at a 2.11 of out 4.0 stars. 

I can’t give it an honest recommendation, though. It’s really not much of a horror flick- Devoid of any real blood or gore, light on violence, and only an occasional zombie threat. I mean, it wasn’t terrible, just an almost, but not quite, ’80’s, PG-13, zombie movie.

YouTube’s trailer is probably convincing enough for a fan to watch, or not to watch. Here: THE NIGHT OF THE COMET

Valley of the Dead, 2020

AKA 'Malnazidos.'

 

    In order to avoid being executed, a smart-assed captain is sent on a suicide mission to deliver intel across ‘no man’s land’ in a war-strewn Spanish countryside. 

Teamed with a private awaiting execution for desertion as his driver, Captain Lozano sees a plane shot down overhead and decides to aid the parachuting pilot. On their way, the two are captured by some freedom-fighters, and soon the group is attacked by the fallen pilot: dead, legless, and covered in a strange blue dust.

After surviving another attack of the undead, an uneasy alliance is formed and the group heads towards a ‘safe house’ in the woods, only to find it occupied. After a Tarantino-esque Mexican standoff, they form a slightly larger, and significantly uneasier alliance comprised of fascists, anarchists, a Russian, an American, a Muslim, and even a shotgun-totin’ Catholic nun!

Once the safe house proves to be not so safe, the ragtag collection of would-be heroes decides to find out what the hell is actually happening!

       Okay! So, the Zombies: Despite being of Nazi origin, these are straight-up Romeros. Oh sure, their Zombie make-up is minimal, but they adhere to all five of the Rules of Romero; 1) they are recently deceased, 2) shambolic and lack any intelligence, 3)they eat the flesh of the living, 4) they transmit zombism by bites, and 5) they can only be stopped by destroying the brain. Nice. Respect for canon.

The cast are both likable and relatable whatever their allegiance, and well portrayed. Oh, sure an action-Zombie-film cliche or two is peppered throughout, (casually walking away from an explosion, a gigantic full moon, badass women,) but still these work within the context of the film.

 

So, combined with decent production, good special effects and almost non-stop action, I really enjoyed this one. And apparently, so did the Zombie Movie Rubric. When held up against its 9 objective sets of criteria, Valley of the Dead, earned itself a 3.1 out of a possible 4.0 points. This is easily translated into a recommendation to watch!

I saw it in its ‘English dubbed’ version on Netflix, and I am sure Spanish speakers would prefer it in its original Spanish.

Go over to YouTube for, well, not actually a trailer, but a collection of scenes that give a good idea what to expect. VALLEY OF THE DEAD