Zombi 3 (1988)

    Shortly after an experimental reanimation drug is created, a group of terrorists steal it and one becomes infected. The government agency responsible decides on a ‘sweep and clear’ of the area while 3 small groups of tourists converge only to be caught between the military action, and the now-widespread walking dead.

    First of all, it must be said - Zombi 3 does not hide its influences! The ‘shoot ‘em up’-style of action is very reminiscent of Romero’s ‘Dawn of the Dead,’ while the scientists versus military dynamic harkens to 1985’s ‘Day of the Dead.’ Even the method of mass transmission, (the airborne ashes of a cremated zombie,) is taken from ‘Return of the Living Dead,’ also released just three years prior! 

    These make it even more surprising that the movie seems to completely ignore its own predecessor, Fulci’s amazing ‘Zombi.’ 

    Providing its own cause for the outbreak, and the subsequent spread of the infection, ‘Zombi 3’ seems more like a standalone reboot than it does a sequel.

    The acting is not good, get that straight. I know that an Italian film that is dubbed into English, often times the dialog is altered somewhat to fit the actors’ mouth movements. I am typically as forgiving of this as I can be, but with only a few exceptions, it was clear that these “actors” were new to this. Or just blatant ‘over-actors.’ And this on the parts of both the living and the dead.

This over-the-top scientist acted like a dropout of
the William Shatner/Adam West School of Acting!!!

    There is an inconsistency between the zombies, too. At times, they are perfect Romeros, (see my Zombie Classification Chart,) other times Russos, sometimes wielding weapons, frequently jumping from above, (TOO frequently!), and don’t even get me started on the flying head! (Yes. You read that correctly!)

    On the film’s positive side, it DOES have a good and clear story arc, beginning to end: Creation of the virus, outbreak, spread, conclusion. Very linear. I like that! No meandering.

    The movie also has a couple of genuine scares, (that awesome pool rescue!), and even a zombie siege on a (poorly,) fortified stronghold. I also like the fact that even if the living characters are devoid of backstory and fairly interchangeable, it is surprising to see just how frequently and dispassionately the movie kills one off! Kind’ve refreshing that way!

    Lots of Fulci gore for the fans of that, too. True, a good deal of it comes from festering pustules and blisters that accompany the zombism this time around, but plenty of flesh tearing, too. 

    For all its faults, I didn’t dislike this film. In fact, I kinda enjoyed it. My objective grading device, the Zombie Movie Rubric, however, was not so kind. Action / Pacing, Zombies, and Budget save this from the “Total Stinker” category, tallying up a 1.33 out of 4 for a score. 

    It is really hard to believe this is the sequel of Fulci’s masterpiece, Zombi. (Or Zombi 2, depending on your source.)

    So, I wouldn’t say avoid this one, it has its moments, but I can’t recommend it, unless you are desperate for an cheesy, 80’s, Italian zombie flick, and you keep your entertainment standards humble.

    YouTube seems to have the movie in its entirety for viewing, too! If you still haven't decided to watch this, here is a (long,) trailer to help make up your mind! ZOMBI 3 

    Also, I can’t help thinking this movie had hopes of being shown in 3D. There is a disproportionate amount of second-person 3D zooming! 

Return of the Evil Dead (1973)

     

    Amando Ossorio’s Blind Dead are back and this time it is the 500th anniversary of when the townsfolk of Berzano burnt out the eyes of the sadistic, Satanic Templars and then burned them alive… uh, to death.

    With a whole new cast of hapless and well-eyebrow-endowed living characters to pursue, the Blind Dead rise with that same great grave-emerging scene from the original… I mean, that EXACT scene, cut and paste into this film. But What the heck! Why re-shoot it, right? It was awesome before, it’s awesome again!

    The blind, undead Templars are extremely slow moving, (except when riding their deathly steeds!) and show no signs of emotion or higher intelligence - with the exception of riding dead horses and using 16th century swords. In their filthy, grey, and decaying cowls and hooded robes, they are again the bearded skeletons of the original. 

    A few changes have been made by the way of vulnerabilities to the knights, and dispatching them is no longer impossible, but their look, movements, and completely chilling silence really convey the ghoulish and sinister feel.

Because, again, mood and atmosphere do most of the heavy-lifting here.

    That said, the scene of the mounted and sword-wielding knights doing a whole-sale slaughter in the town square really IS a gruesome delight, but still, kind of lacks the creepiness and primal-fear-inducing tone of the silent, shuffling, on-foot undead.

    I found the living in ‘Return’ to be a bit more engage-able than its predecessor. Personalities more developed, more interesting individual backstories, and making far fewer bad decisions. There is a much more linear feel to the plot, too, with a story arc that builds well and culminates more naturally. There is even a stronghold scene, à la Night of the Living Dead!

    Adding all of these factors up and measuring them on my ZMR, (Zombie Movie Rubric,) a decent rating of 2.88 out of 4 is the outcome. This equates to an above average Undead movie entry and earns a recommendation as a good, creepy, ‘lights out’ night’s viewing.

A YouTube Trailer will ensure you never forget the name: RETURN OF THE EVIL DEAD   

Tombs of the Blind Dead, (1971)

    Sadistic, medieval knights perform a Satanic blood ritual that re-animates them in 1971 Portugal… Things go downhill from there.

So, here is some story: Just as Virginia and Roger plan a romantic camping trip for two in Portugal, Virginia meets an old college roommate, Elizabeth, and ol’ Randy Roger invites her along. The jealous and frustrated Virginia jumps the train out of spite at a remote and foreboding location alone, at the abandoned medieval town of ‘Berzano.’

The brave and outdoorsy Ginny shelters in some old ruins, builds a fire, and unrolls her sleeping bag. She’ll deal with it tomorrow. But her presence has not gone unnoticed…

Now the good stuff! With an amazing grave emergence scene we get a good look at these ‘Templar’ knights, blackened and skeletal, yet mustachioed and wearing filthy and rotting cloaks and cowls. They move incredibly slowly, even for the dead, (except when riding their undead steeds, of course,) and are thoroughly and completely silent. This silence is crushing  and accentuated nicely by echoed sound effects and a background monastic chant. The result is a profoundly creepy atmosphere.

Back to the plot. When Virginia’s bitten and bloodless body is spotted by a passing train engineer, super-swarthy Roger and the continually-surprised Elizabeth, (now kind of an ‘it’s complicated’ couple,) learn through rumors, legends, info-sharing special police, and, of course, the ubiquitous ‘Resident Specialist Historian’ all about the Templars. 

And soon, our uber-Spaniard, Roger and his “just friends” companion team up with a ridiculously sweaty smuggler, Pedro, and his lusty, Gypsy squeeze, Maria, to solve “The Mystery of Berzano!” 

So, yeah, okay, the story line for the living is all over and full of holes, (Hey! Much like Virginia!!!) but the backstory to the Templars is key. It is also very original and fascinating! And the mood created by this is just awesome. Remember, this is pre-‘jump scares.’ This is all suspense and atmosphere.  

Considered by many to be Spain’s answer to ‘Night of the Living Dead.’ And it is not hard to see why. Armando De Ossorio’s ‘Blind Dead’ is fresh and unexpected. Sure, there is some gratuitous exploitation bits and bobs, but born here was a new mythos of the undead, so a lot is forgiven. Yeah, I like this movie a lot. 

Held up to my impartial Zombie Movie grading Rubric, the ZMR, and ‘Tombs’ earned a whopping 3.0 out of 4 points! Acting, characters, and SPFX take the blame for the lower points with originality, explanations, film quality bringing in the numbers.

Now, although technically speaking not a ‘zombie apocalypse’ movie, as an entry in the ‘undead-rise-up-and-eat you’ category, it is a prime contender. Not surprisingly, it spawned sequels - 3 of them, actually, (reviews forthcoming.) Each of which finding its own new element/setting to keep it fresh.

This is a highly recommended late-night watch for anyone who reads movie reviews like this one. Best enjoyed with the lights out.

It seems that most YouTube trailers show assorted scenes from the film in non-sequential order. This makes them seem more confusing than they really are. Here is one: TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD

BTW, the whole film seems to exist on YouTube as well! So, enjoy!!!

Cooties, (2014)

 

    Elijah Wood plays a summer-school substitute teacher who, on his first day, has a student attack and bite a classmate in a rabid fit on the worst Monday ever.

As the virus spreads student to student via both bites and scratches, it becomes known that the transformation to the undead/infected only affects those who have not yet gone through puberty. Very quickly, it is virtually a children versus adults fight to the death in a middle school. 

Oh yeah, there’s also a very awkward love triangle/jealousy-thing between first-day sub, Clint, (Wood,) Lucy, a woman with whom Clint to school, (Alison Pill,) and her boyfriend, the over-testosteroned gym teacher, Wade, (Rainn Wilson.) This dynamic makes working together to survive a bit tricky.

The humor stays really dark and the violence level high with vivid attacks, dismembering, and devouring of the faculty, and with the surviving teachers staving in the heads of the schoolchildren with hockey sticks, cymbals, fire extinguishers, and even other kids. So, be prepared for an above average shock factor. Actually, the gore level isn’t all that high, but the opening chicken-processing montage is fairly disgusting. Just power through it.

The zombie children, (zomblings?) seem to be mostly a cross between Russos and Runners in nature, (see Zombie Classification Chart,) - running and playing at recess when no adults are around to eat, and setting traps and displaying some residual intelligence when on the hunt.

    Being set on a summer-school school day, the atmosphere is obviously delicate: Bright and cheerful outside, but darkened corridors within, (a zombling cut the power.) Jump scares do come into play, about evenly divided amongst gore and suspense. But with this cast and scenario, this horror/comedy definitely leans toward the comedy, perhaps more so than Zombieland, and even Shawn of the Dead!

    Still and all, a big name cast, a great budget, and most importantly, an original idea for this genre all add up well for Cooties. According to the ZMR Rubric, Cooties scored a 3.33 points out of a possible 4. This translates to a highly recommended watch. 

Still on the fence? Well, there are many trailers on Youtube to help you decide! COOTIES 

Dead Shack (2017)

 

    So, no outbreak, no apocalypse, just a nice cabin in the woods… and some neighbors.

    Roger is a nice guy. He decides take his two teenage kids and his son’s friend on camping trip a rustic, secluded cabin in the woods with him and his girlfriend. You know, for some quality, ‘family bonding.’ 

    For fun-loving Roger and his girlfriend, Lisa, it’s also ‘drinks and no responsibilities’-time, but the kids decide, as kids will, to go exploring the woods and surrounding area.

They come across a neighbor’s house, and Oops! What’s going on there!?! A quick peek in the window reveals all - But now they may be in danger.

No. *Spoiler* They ARE in danger.

    The rest of the film unfolds as a fairly standard cat & mouse, secluded cabin, horror film, with a sprinkling of zombies and a chuckle or two. 

    Those zombies, though few in number, seem to adhere to the ‘Rules of Romero,’ and present a real enough menace to maintain the excitement. They aren’t, however, the principle antagonists, nor, (at least for my tastes,) are they utilized or seen, enough. 

    All of the characters are believable enough, with some being really annoying. What is unbelievable is why anyone would choose to go on vacation with some of these people. 

    Not Roger!!! He and Lisa are great! I’d hang out with them! 

    Overall, the acting is pretty good, (the cast all have decent résumés, many including the television show iZombie!) and the nice, remote, Canadian wilderness makes for a great setting. The pacing is a little uneven, however, with just a bit too much time spent on teenagers cracking wise.  

    According to my Zombie Movies Rubric, Dead Shack scores a 2.875 points out of a possible 4.0, giving it a better than average rating for something different in the whole ‘living dead genre.’ 

    Personally, I found it to be an enjoyable watch. Light hearted, funny at times, scary at others. Worthy of a recommendation to sate one's 'zombie flick' hunger. 

    YouTube has the Official Trailer right here if you are still curious! DEAD SHACK 

    Oh, BTW - if, like me, you just buy up all things undead on BluRay or DVD, try not to be deterred by the somewhat average and misleading case cover pic...

         I mean, meh.

The Alien Dead (1980)

    A fistful-of-nickels budget American zombie film from 1980!?! Oh, I’m in!

   So, apparently, a meteor strikes a houseboat and turns all aboard into zombies, who in turn, eat all the alligators. And when they run out of alligators, they start to eat the locals of this small Florida town. We, the viewers, tune in after all of the alligators have been missing for a couple of months, and the first resident is taken. A local reporter, a fish & game warden, and a couple of police, (pronounced PŌ-lice,) investigate as incidents increase in frequency.

    What we get from this is a snapshot of small-town redneck Americana on par with Boggy Creek, (minus the budget and acting skills.) Some of the accents are amazingly horrible, but they’re dialogue seems genuinely swamptrotting, hillbilly lingo, and as convincing as one can expect when recited by actors of the stature of non-professional-bordering-on-terrible (with the exception of Buster Crabbe, in his last role, as the hard-nosed sheriff.)

   Weak premise, bad acting, and amateur special effects aside, this is a surprisingly straight-forward and easy story to follow. The misleading, (and frankly, stupid,) name, ‘The Alien Dead,’ only implies that the undead were caused by the meteor. No aliens were employed in this film whatsoever! This is a strictly a zombie movie.

     And those zombies here are mostly Romeros, (slow moving, and flesh eating,) but no transference of zombism by a bite was shown, and a zombie was killed but a speargun shot through the chest, so the Rules of Romero are not firmly followed.

      Also, these are semi-sub-aquatic zombies, reminiscent of those Nazi zombies in 1977’s ‘Shock Wave,’ (on which The Alien Dead’s director/screenwriter Fred Olen Ray also worked!) This does make for some fairly bloodless kills, but the movie does not fear going for some attempt at gore.

    And HOLY MOLY!!! Bonus points for being the first and only zombie movie for a ‘death by fro-comb' scene!

    Filmed on an incredibly low budget, (allegedly $12,000.US dollars,) and went straight to drive-ins or VHS, The Alien Dead had bad acting, (again, except for Buster Crabbe!) bad special effects, a weak explanation for the outbreak, unengaging characters, poor film quality, and was clearly aimed at fans of recent late 70s zombie films, but somehow, despite all of these flaws, (or who knows, maybe because of them,) I enjoyed this movie a lot. The corny yokels with their redneck dialogue being overacted by Acting 101 dropouts somehow… worked for me. And I would rate this higher than the score it received when held up to my Zombie Movie Review Rubric - That heartless device scored it at a 1.2 points out of a possible 4. And maybe it deserves that grade, I mean, it WAS really bad. But I liked it!

Check out this YouTube trailer for yourself:

 THE ALIEN DEAD

Dead Set (2008)

  Think of a TV show that you’d like to see a zombie outbreak occur during: The Sopranos? The Brady Bunch? Duck Dynasty? What about Big Brother? Well, that’s what this one is about. And it isn’t an episode or a movie, its a miniseries. Bitchin!

   For those unfamiliar with Big Brother, it is a reality show in which a number of contestants live in a custom-made house isolated fro the outside world and watched over by "Big Brother," the producers and viewing audience. A regular "eviction night" sees a contestant voted off by the viewing public and a "24-hour Live Feed" allows constant monitoring of the goings on and misadventures of the test subjects... I mean, "contestants." Originally a British program it has gone on to worldwide production and has achieved an unfathomable global following. Now you know.

   Yup. Five 30-minute episodes of Great Britain’s most popular reality show just happened to take place as the apocalypse hit. The result is simply brilliant.

   And that’s your scenario. The series starts at “Day 64” of the isolated, one-house, “social experiment” where the outside world no longer exists to the contestants and they are all caught up in their petty, encapsulated lives, completely unaware that the world has stopped.

   An employee of the show manages to escape the deluge of running snarling undead attackers onto the closed-off set and informs the hapless contestants. It takes one of the undead to break in and do some zombie-esque damage, (the kind only a zombie can wreak on the uninformed, panicky, incredulous, and self-absorbed,) to let the situation sink in. 

   The show has a great sense of pacing, ending each episode on a point of both set-up and closure, just enough of each to force you to tune in, (or ‘binge watch,’ if you happen to be a zombie film fanatic. And if you are, then welcome, Brother!) 

   The characters are both annoying and realistic, but the REALLY annoying ones are much made less-so by an obnoxious producer, (played to the suffocating hilt by Andy Nyman!) and his running commentary on them. He is so intolerant of the contestants that it really makes you feel bad for them and their lack of graces. Ingenius device. Truly.

    Okay. The zombies run. There: I said it. For those that do not know, I dislike running zombies. The dead should be dead-like: slow and uncoordinated, as George Romero decreed. Not running and growling like animals. I realize there are different schools on this, so I don’t harp on this fact. Plus, in this case, they work. This show needed the fast-paced-type of dead to make this work. Also, very convincing and gory. In essence, great zombies. Go figure.

    Heroes, villains, zombies, subplots, a definitive story line, and decent acting. It must be because it was a 'made for BBC4 TV' that this is such an overlooked gem in this country. 

    So, I held it up to the cold, grey truth of the unforgiving eye of the Zombie Movie Rubric and it was deemed worthy of a 3.5 out of a possible 4.0! Serious stuff. That puts Dead Set in the 'repeated views' and 'highly recommended' categories.

   But, If you are NOT the type who likes to own-and-loan, (or simply ‘lord over’ friends and fam,) then GOOD NEWS! The five episodes are findable and viewable on them YouTubes-things! In fact, as I was looking for a trailer for this review, I had to wade through them all to find it. (Your welcome, BTW.)

Trailer: Here ☞ DEAD SET

   Worthy of extra mention: Andy Nyman steals every scene as an absolutely intolerable bastard of a producer. Such a great character, but Davina McCall, the long time presenter of the actual show, turns in a surprisingly convincing performance as both herself alive, and herself dead and full-on zombie menace!

Yup, that's Davina McCall.

Gangsters, Guns, and Zombies (2012)

   What better distraction for a bank heist than the zombie apocalypse? At least that was the plan for London bank robbers Tony, Q, Pat Muscles and Crazy Steve before things awry.

   Starting in the middle of the action allows G,G,& Z to kick off with a bang and keeps going strong. The use of chapters and occasional narration of one of the main stars assists the flow of the story. And of course, that old chestnut vehicle of T.V. and radio news reports helps to explain the situation outside of the immediate action.

   Also provided to create a fuller picture of the outbreak are plenty of ‘cut-to’ scenes, showing a goodly amount of zombie gore and attacks, which, although grisly in nature keep most of the real gore just outside the frame. Many of these asides display a very sick sense of humor that certain twisted zombie film fans, (like myself,) can appreciate: A bride and her maids attacking her groom, the attack of an undead horde of clowns, a casual debate about if a particular zombie is eating a cat or a fox. Y’know. Stuff like that.

   Okay, true. The zombies’ make-up consisted mostly of pale skin with blood stains, but since there weren't that many real zombie close-ups, this minimalist approach works well enough. Also, the zombies ran, (well, most of them,) so this also kept the need for undead details to a low dose. Now, I am not a major fan of running undead in a strictly ‘animated recently-deceased’ scenario, but in the less populated scenes later in the movie, the speed of the dead helps to keep the threat level up, where shamblers could have been simply avoided.

   But it's the characters themselves that carry this movie. They are likable, and engaging, and fun-to-watch, (although, hardly “gangsters.”) Yes, criminals, but still, worth rooting for. Most importantly, none of the characters are cartoony or stupid. In fact, to call this a typical “zom-com” would be doing it a disservice. I mean, it IS funny. But, the undead threat is real and lethal and the characters are serious and have a straightforward mission. Where the humor comes in is a very organic manipulation of perspective. I really enjoyed it. Think of Reservoir Dogs meets 28 Days Later with just a splash Shaun of the Dead. Only a little more light-hearted.

   My Zombie Movie Rubric scored Gangsters, Guns, and Zombies as a solid 3.0, making it a respectable entry into the genre and a really enjoyable movie night selection.

   The full-length film is available of the Mighty Tubes of You, but I am only including a trailer to whet your appetite: GANGSTERS, GUNS, AND ZOMBIES

Cheerio!