Battle of the Damned, (2013)

Zombie hordes, killer robots and Dolph Lundgren!?! How could this possibly suck? (I'm so glad you asked!)

Actually, there are many ways this could have sucked. Many, many ways. But, against all odds, it didn't. Oh, it isn't going to change the face of modern cinematography or win any awards or anything, but considering what I was expecting...

I had very low expectations for this. Too many absolute crap zombie films has me jaded, I guess. There are faults, true. Like the flat, 2-dimensional characters who are just stereotypes we have seen before, and the complete lack of individuality (or decent camera focus,) in the zombies. But the film has some pluses, too.

The story is a closed arc, for one. It has a clear beginning and cause to the outbreak, it takes place in a quarantined city, and there is a time limit until the government "neutralizes" it with fire bombing. There are also a lot of sub-plots, but they are really insignificant and seem like afterthoughts or ad-libbing on the cast's part.

Big Dolph, (cast under the ridiculous name of "Major Max Gatling!" I mean, seriously? Does he need a name like that? We get it! He's macho!) for all his limited acting skills, (it was a toss-up for least emotional between him, the robots and the zombies!) fit the bill fine, and still has the moves for a demanding action film role.

The zombies: Actually, one character is continually correcting people on this: "They're not zombies! The Infection invades the sediba and may kills the hydrocordian functions," or something. Essentially, they are brain dead carriers of a virus that makes them kill and eat people. So, I guess I can't bitch about them running. And they can be killed just like the living. This fact is proven during what seems to make up about 90% of the movie, (I did say "action movie" right?) Yup. Lots of killing: with guns, knives, a hatchet, head slamming, boot to the face, hand-cuffed choke-out, hit & runs. Lots of killing. (Think Ivan Drago, "I must break you!")

So, ol' He-Man is hired to sneak into this quarantined Southeast Asian city, find a girl, (some big-wig's daughter,) and get her, (and her alone,) out. "The Infected" are everywhere, a squadron of killer robots arrives, some human survivors share their own agendas. Hilarity ensues.

How did no one ever think of this before!?!

Like I said, this was a fun entry into the genre, but not one to be taken too seriously. Just good, dumb fun. The Zombie Movie Rubric, ("they're NOT zombies!") agrees with me and gave it a 2.625 out of four. The equates to 'well worth a rental,' and maybe even a 'possible repeat viewing!'

See the official trailer on the ol' YouTubery here: Battle of the Damned